Just mind my own business. Just be a better person than I was yesterday. Just live.
When are we going to put all this learning into action?
My life speaks louder than my words.
Writing
-
Choose Life
Funny conversation with a friend yesterday. I mentioned how I’ve heard it said that sometimes people unconsciously try to determine “God’s will” for their lives, as it pertains to direction outside what is specifically provided for in the Bible, so that when things go wrong/poorly then they can blame the outcome on God versus taking responsibility for their own choices/decisions/actions. My friend mentioned that other times people try to blame the devil instead of God. And then the funny part was she said the devil probably gets mad at that and says, “Oh that wasn’t me! Believe me, I could have done way better at messing things up than that!” 😁
We are probably our own worst enemies. Taking responsibility for our choices/actions/decisions can be an extremely rude awakening for those who have been using “signs” as a spiritual Magic 8 Ball. I’m first in line, unfortunately. Well-intentioned, to be sure. Even if at least somewhat selfishly motivated by wanting any and all “blessings” associated with “pleasing God”.
What if your spiritual security doesn’t depend on what you do? What if you’re already completely accepted and loved?
What if God, The Great Physician, prioritizes your healing over your comfort? What if He lets you insist on going off and wasting everything until you are sitting in a mud pile with the pigs and wishing to eat some of their slop? Because He knows that will bring the greater healing that you even have prayed for? Not to “please” Him, although He rejoices in your healing. Not to punish you; “it is finished!”
I think that’s what the wrath of God FOR you looks like. Not anger against you. But undying passionate love for only your best.
Do we want the God that loves us more than we love ourselves? The God who wants more for us than we even can conceptualize for ourselves?
Or do we just want Santa Claus? Or a spiritual sugar daddy? “Just tell me what will make you happy, Jesus. Tell me what I got to do.”
Ugh. I can barely write those words. But if you really think about it, that’s the demonic witchcraft at work in how religion attempts to reduce the unfathomable depths of God’s love and relationship with us down to transactions or manipulations.
God is not tricky. He thinks more highly of us than we think of ourselves. Enough to come down and let us abuse Him and murder Him. Without retribution. And from that same heart He gives us freedom to choose how we are going to LIVE this life He gave to us. We are little creators made in the image of our Creator.
Not students here on a lifetime final exam. Not children of a father that needs conformity for his ego. Not captive participants in some sick game.
You have the freedom to fail. And the freedom to succeed. Choose life. It feels like starting over. It might feel like the most difficult thing you’ve ever had to do. But He’s been with you all along. And He’s never going to leave you. Ask Him where He is. Ask Him to help you see.
Perfect love casts out fear.
-
How Far?
Look how far this shepherd goes to find his sheep that are lost. If this human can have such compassion in the midst of so much pain, how much greater the love of our Creator! The human shepherd can only take so much, but our Good Shepherd says He stays out to find even the last little one. 😍😻 Amazing!
-
Safety
So interesting: I was learning lately about how fruit that is edible by humans is often surrounded by spiky painful protrusions. Think about the pineapple or the edible cactus.
At first glance it might look like God is making it more difficult for humans to get their nourishment. Like a cruel punishment.
But with a little more wisdom, people familar with the bigger picture know that those spiky painful protrusions are actually meant to deter certain animals from eating all of the fruit. That way the humans, with their better dexterity, will be able to harvest the fruit for themselves.
What intelligent design! God never ceases to amaze me.
But we can also probably carry that principle over to other areas of our lives. I always say rejection can be a form of protection. It’s really difficult to believe that sometimes when we don’t have the benefit of seeing the bigger picture.
We are always welcome to ask to see how God sees. But if we still don’t understand, I am finding more and more that I can always trust His character.
“In reality, the truth of God is known instinctively, for God has embedded this knowledge inside every human heart. Opposition to truth cannot be excused on the basis of ignorance, because from the creation of the world, the invisible qualities of God’s nature have been made visible, such as his eternal power and transcendence. He has made his wonderful attributes easily perceived, for seeing the visible makes us understand the invisible. So then, this leaves everyone without excuse.” (Romans 1 TPT)
-
ProVision
I think of George Mueller. Sitting at that table in the orphanage that had been on his heart to start. With hundreds of hungry children and no food to feed them. We hear the story as if he had complete and full confidence in God providing. If that is so, praise God and I hope to be there sooner rather than later. But in my imaginatin, I picture maybe a more typical person would have to work through a different inner dialogue.
I picture a more typical person looking at those hundreds of hungry children and the very real empty cupboards and thinking, “God, I thought You were in this. I thought I was participating in Your work. I know You’ve provided for us so many times before. I know those were not just random coincidences. What happened? Did we mess up? Is it time to shut all of this down?”
Our heart cry: “Where are you, God?!”
I think of Job. I am so similar. First with the easy-to-say things. But as time goes on, as the trial intensifies, I get stuck looking at the waves. Ruminating. I even get angry at Him. It seems He must be late.
No shortage of thoughts run through my mind wondering where I went wrong or what I should do to fix the situations. I think I know better. How silly! How quick I am to forget all He has done. For me, for others.
I always pray big prayers. And then freak out when the Egyptians are rushing up on me or I see the size of the giants in The Promised Land. How many times have I prayed for Him to bring me out of the boat onto the water and then completely panicked when I switched my focus to my own abilities and resources instead of how big and good He is.
These trials are a terrible blessing. At least that is the wording that comes to mind. While I hate every bit of the discomfort, I am so happy God is so persistently doing deeper and deeper healing in my soul.
I am repeatedly surprised to realize these strongholds in myself that are revealed to me. It’s easy to talk a good talk but whew does the refining expose the real foundation our trust is built on. I think surely I’ve overcome such and such and then am brought to face and admit parts of me still are relying on things and people other than God.
I love that He clears that junk out. That the Great Physician is so passionate about removing all of the dis-ease of my heart. On the other side I experience exponentially more joy and peace. Real security.
It’s only when we really, really know and experience how much God loves us that we can be ok with uncertainty. That we can be in this moment alone. That we can run to Him and bury ourselves in His embrace. Like the Father He has always been and still is. Love unlike most have ever experienced. Not dependent on our performance.
Will we look up? Will we surrender? Not only to things working out how we think they should, but also if they don’t? Will we truly surrender and truly let go? There are no guarantees as to how things will work out on this side in this world. Do we want a God who will be with us through all but may not work things out as we expect?
Our American Democratic Capitalist mentality can hardly entertain a God that is still only love in the face of what we experience as great loss. We take such pride in what we do and what we have.
Sometimes we are so ignorant to how we patronize those with minimal outward manifestations of our ideas of success. Explaining away their suffering in some frame that helps us avoid considering what it would take for us to be in their same position.
I have to always remember that I am so focused on this physical world when there is a whole other infinity out there after this. One quick glance at the real length and magnitude of the starry sky, one short dive into the intricasies of the intelligent design beneath the depth our human eyes can see without instruments. And yet He says He knows the hairs on my head. He formed me in my mother’s womb.
He humbled Himself because of His love. He came to serve because of how much He values us. Values me. Values you.
He let us take out all our anger on Him and He said, “Look at how much I love you. Don’t worry. You can’t destroy Me. And I’m not here to destroy you. My Father has Me and I have you. In Me you live and are alive. Now and after this time. Forever more.”
Will I trust Him? Will I stop insisting I need an explanation? Will I stop demanding answers. Will I stop fighting Him and invite Him to fully be the God in my life that I say He is? Not that He ever leaves me to myself. But will I rest? By and with His great grace.
“Shout for joy, you heavens; rejoice, you earth; burst into song, you mountains! For the Lord comforts his people and will have compassion on his afflicted ones. But Zion said, ‘The Lord has forsaken me, the Lord has forgotten me.’ ‘Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you. See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands; your walls are ever before me.’” (Isaiah 49)
-
Sabbath
The Sabbath was for man. Not for God. Maybe we rest our physical bodies every once and awhile, but do we rest inside our hearts, minds, and souls as a way of always being? Or do we refuse to rest? No condemnation. That’s the whole point.
A little doodling tonight as I listened to the message below:
From the “Judgment in Managerial Decision Making” textbook I’m currently reading: “Under the pseudocertainty effect, we are more likely to favor options that assure us certainty than those that only reduce uncertainty.”
-
Work
Giving up. No, not like that. More like falling IN. Living loved, actually. Done with the hustle. Done with the grind. Done with the harder, better, stronger, faster. If anything is going to get done, it’s going to have to be God.
I put on some music this morning. Was wanting to listen to some old jams. Surprised right away. Song after song. All about, “I’ll try harder, God.” Or, “Look how hard I’m trying, God.” Or, “Everyone else should try as hard as I’m trying.”
In the spirit of exactly what I mean right now, “Forget that!” Only took me how many years?
I need a BIG GOD. Much bigger than me. Much bigger than us. I don’t want to think I am speaking for Him anymore. I want to hear. I need to listen.
I need some new music. Actually, I have a lot. Maybe the better way to put it is I need to remember that there is no division between the secular and the holy huddle, per se. Maybe the most demonic satanic junk is self-deprecating self-improvement anthems masquerading as “spiritual” worship music. Worship of who, exactly? Our effort or GOD’s love and goodness?
I find the heart of God more in the worldwide effort to rescue lost boys in a swollen cave. I find the heart of God more in the child mixing house beats in some dry dusty African community. I find the heart of God more in a group of men scrambling with whatever they can find to free an animal. I find the heart of God in the passion chefs bring to their culinary creations.
I am not angry at the corporate church. My heart breaks. My passion is furious. As much as I long for community, I cannot go back to the lies. I pray. I sing. I dance. I trust this is way bigger than me. That GOD is way bigger than us.
Sarah Nyhan 