Music

Shelter

sarahnyhan Music, Writing , , , , , , , ,

Story time. I have so many other words to share but I think they are better saved for another day. Just a few stories today.

There was a time in my life where I didn’t have ANY money. I had already scoured my car and house for change. I needed food, gas, and money to do laundry. I was in my car and the song on the radio had the lyrics, “I am counting every blessing… You are good to me.” I looked on the ground and saw a $20 bill. Just sitting there. I felt rich! Everything I needed at that moment.

Another time a few years before that I didn’t have a place to live. I went to a park. I was walking around close to tears. Trying to figure out what to do. All of a sudden I hear my name. A friend “just happened” to be in the park that day and saw me. Somehow the conversation came around to where I was living and she offered for me to come and stay at her house.

Another time I didn’t have a place to live. I was at the library this time. Sitting on a chair. Thinking about what to do and where to stay. And another friend called me as I was sitting there and she said, “I just wanted to ask you if you needed a place to stay?” I was blown away! And her house was the Taj Majal compared to anywhere I had ever stayed. Complete with delicious meals and an entire floor all to myself.

Another time I was going to move to a place where I needed a car and I didn’t have a car. I didn’t know what to do. I was super stressed about the situation. The day before I was supposed to move, a friend approached me at church and said, “It’s been on our hearts to let you use one of our cars.” For free. Indefinitely. I think I used the car for around six months.

Another time I needed to go to a meeting and I wasn’t sure if I had the gas money to get back home. I decided to trust God and just go to the meeting. I arrived and after being there a bit, a friend approached me and said she felt like she was supposed to give me some money. She handed me a $20 bill and then apologized that she didn’t have more money to give me. She had no idea my situation. Nobody did. I hadn’t even hinted at what I was going through. Blew my mind! When was the last time you had someone apologize that they didn’t have more free money to give you?!

God provides. He is my shelter.

Work

sarahnyhan Music, Writing

Giving up. No, not like that. More like falling IN. Living loved, actually. Done with the hustle. Done with the grind. Done with the harder, better, stronger, faster. If anything is going to get done, it’s going to have to be God.

I put on some music this morning. Was wanting to listen to some old jams. Surprised right away. Song after song. All about, “I’ll try harder, God.” Or, “Look how hard I’m trying, God.” Or, “Everyone else should try as hard as I’m trying.”

In the spirit of exactly what I mean right now, “Forget that!” Only took me how many years?

I need a BIG GOD. Much bigger than me. Much bigger than us. I don’t want to think I am speaking for Him anymore. I want to hear. I need to listen.

I need some new music. Actually, I have a lot. Maybe the better way to put it is I need to remember that there is no division between the secular and the holy huddle, per se. Maybe the most demonic satanic junk is self-deprecating self-improvement anthems masquerading as “spiritual” worship music. Worship of who, exactly? Our effort or GOD’s love and goodness?

I find the heart of God more in the worldwide effort to rescue lost boys in a swollen cave. I find the heart of God more in the child mixing house beats in some dry dusty African community. I find the heart of God more in a group of men scrambling with whatever they can find to free an animal. I find the heart of God in the passion chefs bring to their culinary creations.

I am not angry at the corporate church. My heart breaks. My passion is furious. As much as I long for community, I cannot go back to the lies. I pray. I sing. I dance. I trust this is way bigger than me. That GOD is way bigger than us.