Sarah Nyhan

There is a difference between hurting someone and harming someone. 

Sometimes it is necessary and healthy to hurt someone. An obvious example is medical treatments that temporarily cause pain in order to obtain optimal or at least better health. 

Harming someone is different. There is no controlled aim for healing. It is more about causing damage without any positive purpose.

Of course I am generalizing. 

But the point is that sometimes we have to hurt others. And have to learn to be okay with it if we know we are not causing harm.

In other words, people are going to get their feelings hurt sometimes. But sometimes that’s not our problem. Sometimes it’s necessary. For ourselves or maybe even them also.

Boundaries are big in this area. When people want something from us that we maybe no longer can give. They might take it the wrong way. But at what point do we take responsibility for our lives instead of people-pleasing to the point of resentment? Just so no one will be unhappy with us?

I’ve seen people even weaponize their tears and anger towards those they are trying to manipulate. How long you gonna play their fool?

And sometimes their complaints may even be valid. But we can’t be all things to all people. Sometimes we just don’t have the bandwidth. We wish we could, but we can’t. And that sucks. 

I only have one Life to Live. I gotta make sure I’m straight since it’s up to me to take care of my business. Just cause I got it for me doesn’t mean I got it for you.

It’s more often in life that I struggle not between a good choice and a bad choice. But rather between two things that are good. And that I want to do both. I don’t want to say no to either. But that’s growing up. That’s reality. 

No matter how much I want to make you happy, I got to save myself. First.

Religion and community taught me opposite for so long. But at the end of the day they aren’t here. Paying my bills. Getting me out of debt. Making sure I have a roof over my head. Caring about whether I’m gonna be okay emotionally and mentally. 

I gotta do me. Even if it hurts both of us. 

Gotta heal myself. Not just talk about it for everyone to else.

They try to get all scientific. But what if it’s just art?

All theoretical. All theological. All intellectual. All psychological. All financial. 

All fear. All terror.

But what if it’s just art?

What if this is all just art? All just performance. For the sake of? 

What if the point is the enJoyment of it all? 

The creativity. The passion. 

The colors. The lights. The sounds. The drama of it all?

Even the smells. The textures. The tastes.

The storms. The rain. The cold. The big bright sun on blue skies with perfectly puffy clouds. 

What if it’s all just for the art? Played out on our hearts? In our beautifully strong yet fragile bodies.

Of all shapes and sizes. 

Blue eyes, green eyes, brown. Black hair, blonde. Curly and bone straight. Short and tall. Big and not so round. Soft and chiseled. The art of us all.

What if we are the theater? 

How dare I take this human experience too seriously? From a God, a Creator so endlessly magnificent! 

Gives us all the colors in the crayon box. All the markers. All the glitters. All the paint. 

And then how absolutely dare us not even pick up a brush! How dare us not even sing a note! How dare us not even move or tap a toe to a beat!

How dare I be so obsessed with not being rejected that I decline the art of a meal someone prepared for me… to enJoy! 

How dare I give into sadness. Instead of celebrating it.

How dare I be afraid of anger. Instead of screaming as loud as I can to get that shit out!

How dare I join you in dying before your time has come!!! 

How dare I shame myself for Loving you just the same. Even though I can’t fix a damn thing.

How dare I give into the pressure to make myself so small that I am erased!

I am a child of A GREAT BIG GOD that Creates galaxies! How dare I shut up! How dare I shut down!

How dare I not Live and Love out so loud!!!