Sarah Nyhan

I was told that cursing was a sin. And they defined cursing as saying words like: damn, shit, fuck, bitch, etc.

I used to believe that definition of cursing. Because it was all I ever heard and knew.

But now I no longer refer to those words as curse words or cursing. I no longer believe that saying those words is “sinful”. Most of the time. 

In fact sometimes saying those words is the best use of the English language. At least in terms of how those words are received by many.

I now define sin as thinking differently about things than how Trinity thinks. I no longer see sin as necessarily a moral issue. I see it more as a perception and understanding issue. 

Sin, as I now understand it, can lead to hurtful behaviors, sure. And absolutely. Just look around – that much is undebatable. 

And there is accepted morality especially socially. 

But I now view cursing as more of damning someone to separation from Trinity. Not that I believe in actuality that someone can be separated from Trinity. Their Love knows no end – yes and Amen. 

But what I am referring to is misleading someone into “sinning” by THINKING that they are separate from God. Separate from their Creator. Separate from Holy Spirit, Trinity, their heavenly Father. Etc.

So I now believe that most preachers that I’ve heard curse WAY MORE than I do. Almost all day every day some of them. Just raining, pouring out and down non-stop condemnation. 

As if they have room to judge. As if they are somehow qualified to be the intermediary to determine whether God is upset with someone. 

You don’t have enough of your own work to do? Oh that’s right, you don’t actually work in the real world. All you do is sit on your high horse and make people feel bad. Then collect checks from ’em. 

Try running that shit out here in the streets. Without the insulation of your little clique of followers that you don’t even respect. You’ll get eaten up real bad. You’ll get your pompous ass handed to you and humbled real quick out here with real Life, real problems, and real people. Instead of endless navel-gazing and intellectual masturbation.

I used to think the Bible verse about two different kinds of water coming out the same spring was related to saying words like fuck, damn, shit, bitch, etc.

Now I understand and believe completely different. 

Now I think that verse relates more towards what preachers do. How they blaspheme the character of God. How they twist and have to do mental gymnastics to say out one side of their mouth that God is Love and God is good. But then turn right around sometimes in the same breath and say the complete opposite: that god sends little babies to a never-ending barbeque pit to literally and physically burn and roast alive for the rest of time just because they even had a thought that was a “mistake”.

That’s two diametrically opposed gods. 

The real God says Trinity merciful, gracious, slow to anger, patient, long-suffering. But then these cursing religious folk turn right around and say god also loves rules more than Their Creation. So much so that only the shedding of blood and the burning of literal human flesh will make this maniac monster god happy enough. 

Nothing about that makes sense. Like ocean and fresh water coming out of the same spring.

The real Trinity doesn’t require you to suspend your intellect. The real Trinity didn’t require anyone at all to die ever. For any sacrifice.

It is us who demands punishment. Us who demand blood. Us who demand death.

God said, “Okay, bet.” And Jesus came down to take away any excuse we have to not forgive each other. God said, “Whatever you think someone owes you, Trinity will pay that debt. Name the price.”

Now that’s not a message that sold well when Romans were enslaving folks back then. Or when the oligarchs enslave us today. No getting rich preaching that message. Or winning many friends. I’m living proof. 

But to say that anyone, even the Romans and oligarchs, even the modern-day religious zealots and Pharisees, are not as Loved by God as those whose every other word is shit, damn, fuck, and bitch – now that’s the real travesty. That’s the real sin.

When I hear a leader of my former church community telling people that they are and will be rejected by God because they happen to be living with someone they Love and/or are fucking, that is what I now consider cursing. That’s bullshit to me.

That is majoring in the minors. 

Whether living with that person is beneficial to everyone or not may or may not be an issue. I’m sure there are real benefits to making a commitment to each other before becoming financially entangled. Just to name one consideration. 

But sleeping in the same bed as and fucking another consenting adult has zero, and I will die on this – ZERO – to do with whether Trinity Loves, accepts, and is pleased. Especially when it comes to what happens after our human bodies give out.

That makes sense. That doesn’t require appointing yourself as the morality police to do patrols on people’s personal lives in order to condemn everyone. Instead of dealing with your own unhappiness and jealousy. 

Instead of REALLY getting real with Jesus. You won’t ask the hard questions. Because you don’t really believe this “god” you preach so hard. Why would you? He seems quite the narcissist. Quite the egotistical monster.

No thanks. 

I believe in a better God.

The real God who has not disappointed since I switched. 

I no longer am suicidal at least as it pertains to confusion or dread. Once I was shown and understood The real God, immediately a hardfast peace settled everything in me instantly. And never left me. 

Despite the whole damn world falling apart in the interim. Society and personally. Every thing!!! Except Jesus Loves me – that is the ONLY thing that remains.

And not just me. Every last person. Every last thing. No matter what. No matter who. No matter what they have done. None of it separates you from relationship with Christ. 

Only consequences in how you experience this time and the people you have been given. Including your relationship with yourself.

To say otherwise is to curse. To damn people. At least in how they think. To unnecessarily torture them. 

And God-forbid you tell a child the things you tell adults!!! Children in age specifically. But also applies to the spiritual age of all.

To make everyone twice the sons of hell that you are. Always reading, always studying. But never coming to comprehension.

Women – led by their guilt. Worshipping their own opinions over what God said long ago: if you so need punishment, if you so need whips and chains – fine, but it is FINISHED! For your sakes, for your guilt-ridden conscience only — on a Cross 2,000 years ago!

Or how much MORE millennia of blood will YOU require until YOU will be satisfied!?! Until YOU will unhook Jesus from The Cross and go actually Live your damn, fucking LIFE before your shit ass gets taken out like a bitch!?! 

God standing there on the other side like, “I tried to tell you.” Still with zero condemnation. Only Love. 

THAT is weeping and gnashing of teeth. Even now. When you think of all the time you lost just singing those same damn hymns in the pews ad nauseum. Completely missing the point.

Some of us. Cause I was once there also.

Let me stop. Cause there are little lambs who don’t fall into that category. Who don’t need my tongue-lashing. Most start out fine. With nothing but good intentions.

My screaming and yelling is for the others. Only because I so desperately want them to wake up. And stop hurting themselves and others.

Alas, I am no Jesus. Am no Holy Spirit. 

But my dumb ass is eternal hopeful. So I keep leaving these breadcrumbs as I trudge along. Mourning that I have no one to celebrate with. The ACTUAL good news. At least yet. My healing first. I suppose.

So yes, I will continue on with as much colorful language as fits situations. 

And as frustrated as I am by those who appoint themselves to judge. And reject myself and others – who find what words we can to describe the hells of pain we’ve endured. Even at the hands and mouths of those who will then exclaim they Love God so much. Yet there is no doubt in my mind that even them, even you, are Loved by Trinity just as much as me. Just as much as everyone else. Totally. 

You know why you can’t win? You know why you’re still failing? You know why you can’t ever get the motivation to do the work?

Because you are settling down. Instead of going for what you REALLY want. 

You have all this time been trying to figure out what the least amount is that you can accept and try to exist without completely losing it. Without wanting to kill yourself. Without turning into a person who hurts others out of spite. Out of reeeeeally despising other people’s happiness. 

You don’t believe it’s possible. You think they’re all deluding themselves. You laugh as you call them stupid. At least you have your superiority to fall back on at night. 

But that’s just convenient excuses to keep you from doing the really hard work. Of figuring out whether what you really want is quantitatively unreasonable. Or if you’re just scared to go for it and lose. To put all your eggs in one basket and come out looking like a fool. 

Does God really Love you THAT much? To have your back. To show up for you and your dreams? No, the big ones – the ones you know better than to tell to others. 

The dreams that even scare you. 

Nobody, absolutely nobody is able to walk this final push, this significant skin in the game, except you. If they could then it would be their dream also. But it’s not. Even the best can smile and nod. But nobody has the fire that is in you for these specific things. Not like you do.

You gonna take the easy way out? You gonna convince yourself not to go for it if nobody else understands? 

I tried that. I became physically ill. God had to slow my ass down. Make me all the way sit. In my own damn company. Until we wrestled all this out properly. 

EVERY. DAMN. DAY. 

For years! For however long it takes. Until I believe in myself. Even a smidge that God does. Trinity made me after all.

I’m not special. I’m not unique. So you can’t use that as a cop out. I think it’s safe to say most have a dream. But pretty much everyone I know who grew up here was raised to be a corporate slave. To orient your safety as completely dependent on the approval of the tribe. And specifically the members who appear to have the most resources.

You think it’s social suicide to insist that you matter. That what you want is necessary. Versus a luxury.

You have ALL this time been trying so hard to stuff yourself down. To squeeze yourself into the very small and incredibly boring box they insist on so that your big ideas don’t dare challenge anyone else. By golly it sounds like you worship comfort more than you believe in a Great Big GOD who actually Created the entire Cosmos. 

You make god out to be in the image of your fathers. The ones who left. The ones who maybe fed and clothed you. Sometimes you were homeless. But most of the times at least you had access to a toilet and showers. 

Don’t talk to me about gratitude. You can ingratiate yourselves to each other with that bullshit. When it’s a way to dodge doing the deep work. 

But not me. This existence I have been dying through completely sucks. I hate it. I can finally admit that.

I thought I had to power through. Because no one rescued me when I needed rescuing.

Well, now God’s got me rescuing my damn self.

So be it. I am stronger for it. Although I resent people putting me in this position. I’ll be okay. At least God sees to it. Eventually.

All this hard work so I value myself. Truly value myself. And not give myself away so easily as I did for so many extremely painful decades. Some of us gotta learn that way. 

Your body knows. You indeed have made endless valiant attempts to settle. To go along to get along. To deny, deny, deny the aching desires desperate to BREATHE!

How many more years before you forgive yourself? Before you set yourself free?

The gates of heaven are always open. Her doors shall never be shut. 

It’s you that has tried so hard to settle for hell. You believe in damnation more than emancipation. All the while proclaiming you follow a resurrected God. 

Live like it!!! Live like Jesus not just tolerates you – but actually enjoys you. Is actually excited that about who you really are. Not for some greater purpose. Certainly not only or even ever as just a tool to be used. Or else what gospel is that?!

I can’t save anyone else. 

Switch the narrative. Stop telling stories as if everyone and everything got away. No, it was all allowed to fall apart. Allowed to go away. Because you never would. You fell in lust with people’s potential. Versus reality. 

Pain ‘ll wake you up alright. It did me. The only way for some of us. Oh I believe in that hell! The burning away of all that was put on us by others. All the burdens we were taught over and over to carry. All the years they stole from us.

Knock yourself out. But I done enough rounds around this damn desert. Ready to learn my lesson(s)! Please Jesus, please save me from my limiting beliefs. Please save me for settling for crumbs of attention instead of real Love. You know I don’t have a clue. All completely foreign to me. You have been frustrating all my attempts to give myself away for too, too little. Please help me see myself and others as Your heart sees us. I need relief so badly. Please as many years more as are best for me. Thank You for saving me from giving up on myself completely. For reminding me day after day that You see and Love Me. Amen!

What do I REALLY want?!

I grew up in the days when all we had access to was the encyclopedia and other books and magazines at the library. 

I think because I grew up in a restricted high-control environment, I was fascinated by information when I finally got a hold of it.

I had even been home-schooled as a child, so when I finally made it to public school, I was just amazed at all this information that was available in a library that was not locked down religiously. 

I don’t know I got started, but when I was in high school at Belton High School, I would just walk myself into the administration offices after I quickly ate my food during lunch. And I would walk right through all the principals and other administrative staff offices, out the other side, and to the library. And just read books the rest of the lunch period.

As a kid during the summers in Belton, I would go to the university library and just read books and magazines. 

I was not that girl who would skip school to do “bad” things. I was the one who would skip school just to watch television at home – when we finally got one with access to even basic channels. Like what kid skips school to watch educational programs on PBS? 😄

I was addicted to information. Especially having not grown up with much exposure to “the world”.

The great part is that I have been endlessly curious about everything and everyone. Which has opened so many doors for me and given me so many great experiences.

But the downside is I think I lost the last thirty years of my life to collecting information more than actually living. 

Maybe the drive to collect information comes from feeling unsafe. So you think if you can just prepare enough then you can avoid pain. Well, that hasn’t worked yet.

I finally realize there is no safety on Earth. Not in a person. Not in a place. Not in a source of income. Nothing. No one.

There is only strength. 

And I can tell you for sure that strength doesn’t fully manifest only from gathering information. At some point the pilot has to get into the plane and fly. Everything up to that point is just theory.

When your world falls apart, especially after you’ve spent decades trying to gather all the right information, you’re forced to face Life on Life’s terms. Beyond all the theory. And that shit is hella real. Everything hurts. Non-stop.

No more an armchair quarterback telling everyone else how to live their lives while riding on your high horse. Nope. Now you actually Live this shit for real.

And then ironically you don’t have the energy to correct anyone. Cause one thing you learn is that you have very little influence over anyone – especially with those words you used to be so attached to. No, people are on their own journeys in their own timelines.

And my time is best spent actually Living my own Life. Versus being hyper-focused on what anyone, much less everyone is doing and saying. 

Once you’re left with only yourself, then you gotta make peace with everything. In order to find real sanity. 

And that’s not easy. 

The worst part is having to choose between good things. In this society that says you can have everything. No – you can’t. At least not easily. Everything has a price. In some way.

Including what seems like the good thing of gathering information. 

I have been off FB and IG for a long while now. Which removed me from reading a lot of what other people were thinking and saying and doing. 

It was lonely, but now having jumped back on, I feel that compulsion again to keep doom-scrolling. And I don’t like how I feel when doing that. When taking everything in. It doesn’t leave me feeling better. Even though I am supposedly back in the mix. Supposedly not missing out.

I have to find a balance. Because I have learned so much. In some ways my Life has completely changed for the better after ingesting some information I found online. But I don’t want to get lost in the addiction to information again.

I already know enough to get started. To get out of the damn bed. To get ahead by actual action. Not just endless planning. 

There’s some credit to being first to market. 

What have you actually DONE over the past thirty years? What do you actually DO on a daily basis? 

What do I actually have to show for myself besides a mind full of knowledge? 

A bigger ass? Less money? A fucked up life? Fucked up relationships?

It starts with me. I gotta literally get out of my own head. 

I don’t ask myself what I would do anymore. That’s not good enough. Obviously. 

Now I ask myself what I would tell someone else to do. That’s how I can see simply. And not make every decision so damn complicated. The answers are embarrassingly easy. Should not have taken me this long to get started, basically.

Now I say that I have to have blinders on. On and off the Internet. I have to know who I am. I have to have a basic-ass plan for my life. To get out of the shit first. And then build towards what I want.

An actual plan. Not just some bullshit ideas. But steps you actually hold yourself accountable to.

And it is too much. If you’re like me then every single thing needs work and needs to change. That shit can kill you if you dwell on it too long. 

So, don’t dwell on it too long. Just start with the most urgent thing. 

I don’t let myself off the hook, but I have to give myself grace or I won’t survive looking at how bad things have been and are. Especially how much work it’s going to take me to get where I want to be. 

I am a recovering perfectionist is how I look at it now. So my “therapy” is not to wait until I know “everything”. My goal each day is to just do at least one thing better than the day before. Stack actual wins. Versus theoretical navel-gazing and intellectual masturbation.

It’s your life. Do whatever you want. But I refuse to get to the end and realize I just sat around watching everyone else live. Fuck that.

You know what builds actual confidence, actual self-esteem: doing the work. Busting your ass and seeing real results. 

Then you don’t give a shit what anyone thinks. They can have all the opinions they want but it’s all just noise.

That’s what I am telling myself every day now. Dozens of times a day: who am I and what is my job? Just focus on that. Blinders on to all the other distractions competing for my energy and attention.

My job is, number one, to take care of myself. Because I spent my whole life up until now trying to make sure everyone else was good. And COMPLETELY lost myself and ran my life into the ground in the process.

So, for example, reading about someone else’s political opinions has zero to do with my job of taking care of myself. So I have to put blinders on and not engage. Not even read or listen.

There is no inherent value judgement. I’m not looking down on them. Reading political opinions just isn’t my number one job right now. So I have to be an adult and have self-control. Turn it off or look away. Get back to my work. When distractions like that come asking me to go off-course.

I can’t even entertain others at this point because of all the work I have to do. I mean read the room, people. I have a lot of work to do especially financially. You don’t even know. Or maybe you do. But I’m not waiting for things to get worse before I start getting to work on planning for the worst. As much as I can. Like who really has time like that these days to afford, in every way, extracurricular activities? You really got it like that? Or you just are riding on a hope and a prayer?

No judgement. Do you. But I’m too tired to keep on with the bullshit. And that’s all we’re inundated with and sick of these days: endless bullshit. 

It ain’t gonna change until we get serious about doing the work. You do you, but I’m tired of making excuses. 

So no, we can’t spend time together. Until I get mine like I damn well already should have done decades ago.

It’s embarrassing as shit when people half my age got what I want. Again, grace for myself because I probably didn’t have the exact cards they did. But how much longer, how many more decades, am I gonna sit around crying about what I can’t change? 

Either shit or get off the pot. Either do the work or shut up. That’s what I tell myself now.

There are real complaints. But are we gonna do something about it all? Or just keep crying while other people figure out how to win?

Blinders. 

Even this. Even my writing. I don’t know why this is my thing. I could spend another fifteen years sitting around trying to figure it all out before I let myself put anything more out. Or I could just roll with it. Like this.

And in that though, my job is just to write. I finally figured out my job is to stop trying to manage everyone’s perceptions of me and my writing. Doing so robs me of precious time and energy to be doing what I need to do.

God told me to quit worrying about what people think. How people feel about me. Just do me. Just live my life. Just take care of myself. Just do my writing. And let people have a problem with it. With me even. It’s really not my business. 

Do I care? Of course I care. That’s the trap. It’s so easy to choose because it comes from a good place. 

But reality is I only have so much every day upon waking up. And I gotta use what I have for other things. Versus spending all day ultimately failing in managing what people are going to think of me.

And on that note: blinders on and back to work.

(A very many endless thanks to Mrs. Dianne Rowton for sharing this with me over thirty years ago. ❤️)

Good morning, LORD. Thank you for assuring me of victory today if I will follow Your battle plan. So by faith I claim victory over _.

To prepare myself for the battle ahead, by faith I put on the belt of truth. The truth about You, Lord – that You are a sovereign GOD who knows everything about me, both my strengths and my weaknesses. LORD, You know my breaking point and have promised not to allow me to be tempted beyond what I am able to bear. The truth about me, LORD is that I am a new creature in CHRIST and have been set free from the power of sin. I am indwelt with the Holy Spirit who will guide me and warn me when danger is near. I am Your child, and nothing can separate me from Your love. The truth is that You have a purpose for me this day – someone to encourage, someone to share with, someone to love.

Next, LORD I want to, by faith, put on the breastplate of righteousness. Through this I guard my heart and my emotions. I will not allow my heart to attach itself to anything that is impure. I will not allow my emotions to rule in my decisions. I will love today by what is true, not by what I feel.

LORD, this morning I put on the sandals of the gospel of peace. I am available to You, LORD. Send me where You will. Guide me to those who need encouragement or physical help of some kind. Use me to solve conflicts wherever they may arise. Make me a calming presence in every circumstance in which You place me. I will not be hurried or rushed, for my schedule is in Your hands. I will not leave a trail of tension and apprehension. I will leave tracks of peace and stability everywhere I go.

I now take up the shield of faith, LORD. My faith is in You and You alone. Apart from You, I can do nothing. With You, I can do all things. No temptation that comes my way can penetrate Your protecting hand. I will not be afraid, for You are going with me throughout this day. When I am tempted, I will claim my victory out loud ahead of time, for You have promised victory to those who walk in obedience to Your Word. So by faith I claim victory even now because I know there are fiery darts headed my way even as I pray. LORD, You already know what they are and have already provided the way of escape.

LORD, by faith I am putting on the helmet of salvation. You know how satan bombards my mind day and night with evil thoughts, doubts, and fears. I put on this helmet that will protect my mind. I may feel the impact of his attacks, but nothing can penetrate this helmet. I choose to stop every impure and negative thought at the door of my mind. And with the helmet of salvation those thoughts will get no further. I elect to take every thought captive and make them obedient to CHRIST; I will dwell on nothing but what is good and right and pleasing to You.

Last, I take up the sword of the Spirit, which is Your Word. Thank You for the precious gift of Your Word. It is strong and powerful and able to defeat even the strongest of satan’s onslaughts. Your Word says that I am not under obligation to the flesh to obey its lusts. Your Word says that I am free from the power of sin. Your Word says that He that is in me is greater than he that is in the world. So by faith I take up the strong and powerful sword of the Spirit, which is able to defend me in time of attack, comfort me in time of sorrow, teach me in every situation in my life, and prevail against the power of the enemy on behalf of others who need the truth to set them free.

So, LORD, I go now rejoicing that You have chosen me to represent You to this lost and dying world. May others see Jesus in me, and may satan and his hosts shudder as Your power is made manifest in me. In Jesus’ name I pray – Amen.

I’ve come to the conclusion that I am not and never will be “normal”.

I think in essence being “normal” is a completely different thing than being “professional”. But in practice I think people think they are the same thing.

And that’s fine. People are entitled to the culture of their choosing. None of my business.

But I feel them looking down on me. Because of what I share. I’m sure many think it is too personal. That I am sabotaging my chances of ever having a “professional” career. That I am alienating myself from having certain friendships and being accepted into certain groups.

That’s fine. I’ve had to make peace with that.

I don’t think God wanted me so much to believe in Them.

I mean that’s pretty easy. Just take a few walks in nature. Just be on this planet for a short time.

No, I think God wanted me to believe in myself. That I have value exactly as I am. Without masking and performing enough to get picked first when it comes to corporations white-washing everyone. So as to squeak through on that tightrope of not possibly offending anyone. At least legally.

I never have been “normal”. That shipped sailed the minute I was conceived. It’s just taken me over forty years to realize it. 

When you spend actual time around those people, versus just seeing them from a distance, it’s glaringly obvious that they will always see you as an outsider. You will never fit in.

They were prepared for that life since before they were conceived. Their parents were raised a certain way. They were expected to pick specific partners. The narrative of their life was decided before they even had a chance to know of any other options.

And then here I come along. Being told that is what I need to aspire to. For what? 

For financial security?
For relational security?
For physical safety?

If I believe in The Real God then security in another’s approval is fallacy. It doesn’t exist. 

Sure, for a time. While they’re performing for you. And you’re performing for them.

I can’t take that masking anymore. Actually, I never could. That’s why I never lasted. 

When you’ve been through what I’ve been through, just existing enough to stay out of trouble is exhausting. I have no energy to try to keep up with whoever the Joneses are. Professionally. Or in religious circles. Or neighborhood cliques. Whoever. Whatever. Just impossible for me.

So, finally not doing it anymore. Just being me. Not chasing anyone’s approval. In the corporate world for a career. In the religious world for any acceptance. In the relational world for anyone to tolerate me.

It is what it is, bitches. 😁 

I know I’m far from the person I wish I was. But I know I am not a terrible person. I try so fucking hard every day to be better to myself and others. But if that’s not enough then so be it. It’s not like being alone is new to me anymore. 

And if I can’t enjoy myself and my own company then why would I expect anyone else to?

I’m embarrassed now. Although I have to give myself grace as I was doing only what I was taught to do. But I cringe looking back now at all the places and ways I tried to fit in. It must have been so obvious to them. Me basically the equivalent of an elephant trying to masquerade around in a ballerina tutu like no one is going to notice. Bitch, please. 

“Failure” in that sense is just a filter. For who really is interested in you. Heard someone say that recently. 

And I should be glad, right? To identify who is really down for me. Who has enough of their own to not be threatened by me standing out from the crowds. 

Not that I’m specifically trying to. It’s just what I was given to work with. Start with the physical huge boobs and then every level down from that. External to internal. 

There was never a chance.

For me to fit in by trying to be like everyone else. Specifically in the sanitized and sterilized corporate world. 

I left God completely out of the picture when it came to my career. All I did was try to make myself smaller – in every sense. Not even considering that maybe God knew exactly what They were doing when Life made me stand out.

I had to finally approve of myself. Finally accept myself. Finally have confidence in who I am and what I bring to the table.

If being “professional” means creating every barrier to providing actual customer service, then I don’t want to be “professional”. 

If being “professional” means building in product failure so we can charge customers for replacements sooner rather than later, then you can kiss my ass. I don’t want to be that kind of “professional”. 

If being “professional” means raping workers for every last cent while executives lick their lips on their yachts after raping kids then you can also kiss my ass. I don’t want that kind of “corporate”. 

If being “professional” means exploiting foreign labor and polluting the environment all in the name of quarterly bonuses, then I think you are a horrible human and I want no part of it.

Sorry, not sorry.

If I factor God into it then I have to believe I am not the only one. I have to believe there is someone out there that isn’t threatened by me talking about stuff online. By me having gigantic boobs. By me not being raised in the whole prep school plastic surgery yacht life. That good ol’ soap and water will do when it comes to giving a shit about how we actually treat people. Customers, employees, vendors, and competitors alike.

I just gotta be me. 

If that means I lose everyone I knew, even the ones I thought were closest, then so be it. At least I’ll finally have energy to enjoy my own company. 

I’m not a bad person just because I don’t fit into your little definition of what passes for “professional” for “corporate” approval. Real life is way more nuanced than that.

I have hope that there are others out there that will see and value me not in spite of but because of who I am. Scars and all. Who will appreciate the ways I stand out. Instead of recoiling at how I just by existing challenge the status quo.