Again

Even the pursuit of knowledge can be an addiction. A distraction from heart matters. What will we admit and accept today? What will we surrender? Not in the old way of denying desires. But in the new way of knowing God can handle everything and anything we bring to Him. Even our turning away. Jesus proved God so loves us that much.

He isn’t intimidated by the worst of our mess. Others may turn away. His mercies never fail. They are not for a season. They are new every morning. Fresh. Not exasperated with us. Only wanting our best. Even when we’ve given up on ourselves.

Spring is in the air. New life. Begin again.

Already Included #18 – Beeee Still

By Sarah Nyhan

This afternoon I am sitting in the living room when I start to hear furious buzzing! I look to the window and see a bee flying up and down trying to get out. He doesn’t seem calm, rather his buzzing indicates anger.

I wanted to help but I was afraid he wouldn’t see my interference as help and would instead attack me. So I opened the front door which was less than a foot away. And waited.

I hoped Mr. Bee would realize that I had opened the door, but he was so focused on his own way that he didn’t realize me or the gigantic opening available to him if only he’d be open to another way.

I sat there wondering how long this might take. I couldn’t go back to my work. I needed to make sure he was out so I could close the door. I decided to pray. “Lord, please help the bee find the door and fly out.”

Nothing. Buzz, buzz, buzz. Up and down he went over and over literally banging his head trying to get where he wanted to go when there was a huge open door just a little step away.

So then I wondered if I could somehow mentally communicate with the bee and tell him to move. Not really expecting it to work, but happy if it did. “Bee, move to the right, move to the right.”

Nothing. He’s as lost as ever. So I’m standing there staring at the bee and wondering what to do next.

Soon these people start walking outside and talking. Then a big truck drives by. Then a hawk calls. Then birds start chirping. And the breeze is whipping in. Surely the bee could hear and feel how close his freedom was just a foot away?

No change. Finally I realize this is a metaphor for me. God knows I need pictures like this.

The bee represents those people that I want to experience the same freedom that I now experience. We are both looking at God, but they are separated from the experience that I get to enjoy by such a small but important difference.

I want them so badly to stop banging their heads and just take one extra step over and consider another way that will help them see God to be greater than they already know.

Yet, in my previous attempts these past two years of trying to intervene and “help” people get to freedom, I have not been well-received because they don’t think I am helping.

Now I’ve learned to step back, but I admit I get impatient. I still try to pray them in or send them thoughts hoping something will get through.

Finally with the bee today, I started to pray for myself. “What should I do, God?” I felt like He gave me the sense that I should do nothing other than to share this story. After I started writing, the bee changed course and flew through the open door and out into freedom.

The lesson for me was to stop focusing on changing other people. Holy Spirit was fully invested and completely able to get me where I needed to be. In the same manner, God is also revealing Himself to everyone else.

In the meantime, I feel like the most I can do is embrace what I experience and simply share my story. Just beeee still and know that He is God.

A well-lived life, marked by genuine love for others, and the genuine fruits of love that grow as we experience our Creator’s unending passion for us, will speak volumes more than the most carefully-crafted theological defenses.

A sure change from times past. Where it all depended on us. Now I begin to actually live and truly love.

God’s got us.

Flee

True story time again. So I was driving the taxi late one night and I got a call to pick up a guy from somewhere. It was just that random. Just a guy from somewhere. Nothing special about it.

So I pick him up and immediately introduce myself. My theory was always that people would probably be less likely to hurt me if I made a connection with them. I’d always go something like, “Hi, my name is Sarah. What’s your name?” They’d answer and then I’d say something like, “Oh cool, nice to meet you…” and then get the small talk rolling until the destination.

Well after I introduce myself to this guy and ask him his name, he tells me his name is satan or the devil. I can’t remember exactly now, but I got the point and so do you.

Now back in those days, I wasn’t where I’m at now spiritually. I was more fear-based than love-based. So in some senses this was like almost the worst thing that could happen to me at the time.

But at the same time, intellectually I knew God triumphs over the devil. So I gathered every last bit of courage and strength inside myself and after he introduced himself as satan, I was like ok, I guess we’re going to go straight there so I gotta not beat around the bush. I tried not to show any fear and responded immediately back with all the boldness I could muster something like, “Oh, well I’m on the Jesus side.”

And then I preceded to talk non-stop about Jesus. I literally tried to say the name of Jesus in every single sentence and just keep talking about Jesus.

Ol’ dude in the back got so uncomfortable that as we are driving on the interstate access road, he just starts saying, “Stop, stop, stop! Just pull over and let me out!”

I said, “Sir, but we’re not at your destination. Are you sure you want to get out here and not keep going to your destination?”

“Yes, yes. Just stop. Just pull over right here and let me out!”

Well, it was my pleasure. I pulled immediately over into a Jim’s parking lot. He couldn’t wait to open that car door and jump out.

As he was getting out I said, “Do you want me to pray for you?” He growled back, “NO! Me and Jesus have an understanding!” Then he slammed the door and went on his way.

I never want to go through that again, but it was so empowering not to give into intimidation. Moments like that give me the confidence I have today to lob a few stones at other Goliaths.

By the way, people introducing themselves to me as the devil happened multiple times to me in the taxi. I might share another story another time. BUT, when I stopped being afraid is when it stopped happening. Never has this ever happened again to me in the eight years since the last time.

Resist the devil and he will flee from you. Literally.

Already Included #16 – Emmanuel

For God so loved rules that He needed to see blood and have someone die before He could let His creation off the hook? That’s not what is recorded. God so loved US. Not rules and laws.

Today I listened again to Dan Schiopu’s message entitled “Emmanuel, God Is With Us“. Dan has a unique gift for delivery. I recommend you listen to the entire message.

However, here are some quotes mixed with my own thoughts after listening:

Our initial error is doubting God’s uncompromising goodness. And that continues to be our struggle.

We have a perception problem. Not a legal problem.

Man changed with the fall. Not God.

“You are not valuable because of the price Jesus paid for you. Jesus paid the price for you because of your value.”

“The Bible doesn’t say that your goodness leads God to repentance.”

“Repentance is not something that you do to change God’s mind about you. It’s something that happens to you, to your mind when you discover who The Father really is.”

“You can reject your own sonship, but you cannot change it.”

The parable of the prodigal son is not about a Father waiting for a son to come home and humble himself. The parable of the prodigal son is not that we need to change our behavior. The point of the story is that God has never loved us less even when we are at our worst. The story is about changing OUR minds to see that God is always the Father that never walks away from us and never stops being our Father. Who loves us forever. A love without end. AMEN?

The gospel is not about mercy being given to undeserving sinners. The gospel is about God coming to get His kids back from being alienated from Him only in their minds.

The blood of Jesus was not shed to appease God. The blood of Jesus was shed to appease OUR conscience. Now we have no excuse. The worst has already been done to God. And we did it. Not The Father. We threw our best punch at Jesus and God didn’t stop loving us and He didn’t leave us.

So we can run to Him even at our worst. The same Jesus who ate with prostitutes and touched lepers. To prove to us that we have nothing to be afraid of.

The blood of Jesus was not shed so God can accept us. The blood of Jesus was shed so WE can accept God!!

The blood of Jesus is not the barrier that protects you from God. He is always Emmanuel.

Already Included #12 – Value

For the first time, I get it. My value doesn’t come from anything or anyone other than whose I AM. They say the value of something is what someone is willing to pay for it. Jesus proved that God, the complete Trinity, loves us through hell and back. No reservations. No expectations. Only the constant reminders of how safe we are. Rest. As little children that know only love, protection, and being comforted.

I don’t have to do anything. In the sense of performance or what passes for success. Now I know Life. Now I enjoy what is good. Now I play and am free to relish. Free to fully love. And live out loud. Perfect love casts out fear. And the compulsion to prove myself.

I don’t have to study, but I want to. I don’t have to be in business, but I want to. I don’t have to travel, or own a home, or get a degree, or etc etc etc. But I might want to.

The grades I make don’t tell me anything about my value. The weight I carry doesn’t define my worth. The age I am or all my colors and scars. Where I live or who knows me. All that stuff is extra.

At the core, all the way to the bedrock of my soul, I am completely loved by my Creator. And so are you.

I’m Here

I was led through an exercise where I was asked to think of a place where I would like to meet Jesus. Any place. If I could decide to meet Him anywhere. Then to picture me and Jesus in that place.

What does the place look like? Smell like? Feel like? Etc?

What does Jesus look like? Is He touching me? If so, what does that touch look like? Feel like?

Does Jesus say anything to me? What does He say? And finally, what are His eyes saying?

I don’t want to share the rest of the details, but for me, Jesus said He enjoys me and it’s ok to be silent.

It’s ok to be me and not have anything to say. I can stop all my trying to force connections. With Him and others. Give space. Trust Him. Stop trying to carry the whole world on my shoulders sometimes.

Redeeming Wrath

Trying to manipulate God is religion. Or as I prefer to call it, witchcraft. It is no different than the idea of witches sitting around a boiling pot with a book of “spells”. The key is that you think there is a formula where if you do xyz then God’s switch/button is pushed to automatically do abc. And if He doesn’t do what you thought was His side of the deal, then you must have gotten the formula wrong. That is religion and witchcraft. That is not relationship. Even if your book of “spells” is the Bible. Even if your formula consists of doing things that are so-called “good” when done on their own without any agenda. This is subconscious stuff we’re talking about. As you mature, you grow away from blatant prayers like, “God, if you do abc then I’ll do xyz.” But even if you know not to explicitly say it, your heart might be at the wheel still making decisions to that effect.

Relationship is entirely different. Relationship is not about control and manipulation. Which is why it is so difficult to accept. Total respect for the other person. Total freedom. To walk away or stay. I choose to love you even at your worst. Because of who I AM. Letting the other person go completely. Yet not enabling. Not consenting, not condoning. My releasing you is not me giving you permission to treat me however you want. To do to me whatever you want. I still have the ability and responsibility to exercise my power to choose how much I expose myself to your behavior. This is relationship.

Where you are invited to participate. Where your choices and decisions matter. But not in terms of performance. Where you as an individual matter. But not in terms of conforming as if we were created with our highest good being religious robots or so-called “spiritual” yes-men. To reduce it down to that is an insult to the beauty of who we are and who God is. Not an insult in terms of an affront to ego. But insult as in a gross miscalculation, a severe understatement.

Real love does you no favors by allowing you to continue on in stinking thinking. Even when it means I get something out of the deal, out of your wrong thinking. Real love doesn’t use you like that. Real love, even though it wants you close, will endure the pain of pushing you away when it is better for your ultimate and highest health and healing. It looks like punishment, but nothing could be farther from the truth. I AM passionately furious FOR YOU. Not against you. I will not stop and settle for using you as if ego was everything or anything. You mean too much. I want more for you than you want for yourself. That is real love.

I long for your embrace. I wait day in and day out for your return on the horizon. Even a word. A glimpse of hope. I would search under every rock and behind every tree if I knew it was better for you. But you’ve chosen a different path. One you have to get to the end of on your own. Not because I want it that way. But because you insist. You don’t see yet. You don’t trust because you don’t know that you are safe and that you are loved. Dearly. Deeply.