I used to think abiding meant living perfectly. Like you weren’t welcome at the table unless you cleaned yourself up enough.

Now I see abiding differently: I picture myself as being an easily-distracted little kid running around doing this and that and all of a sudden realizing that I can’t see my Dad anymore. I can’t find Him. I panic. Previously those feelings used to lie to me and tell me I was unwanted. Now with a better understanding of His character, I am learning that abiding is simply crying out to Him for help. For comfort. For direction.

He is bigger; just because I can’t see Him, just because I took my eyes off Him, doesn’t mean He ever took His eyes off me. Now abiding is easier.

When you decide to have children, do you expect they are going to be perfect? When they act up or out are you shocked and offended to the point of disowning them?

Well, even so, He says in Isaiah, “Can a woman forget her nursing child and have no compassion on the son of her womb? Even these may forget, but I will not forget you. Behold, I have inscribed you on the palms of My hands; your walls are continually before Me.”

Look at the heart of mother or father who will wait years and years, decades, without a shred of hope, in earnest anticipation of their prodigal’s return. Or the parent who will forgive over and over again, the worst betrayals, and come alongside to offer whatever is in their power with a completely unselfish heart that simply wants their child to be restored and free. Where does that love come from? We are created in His image.

We don’t question the decision of adults, who even in their brokenness, want children who will cost them a lot of personal sacrifice for many many years. How much greater the love and patience of The Father for His kids, His Creation?

If you are feeling alone, ask even now for Him to help you see Him. Even if just out of curiosity more than belief. Personal experience will speak to you more than a million blogs or books ever could. Your frame of reference may not be able to believe in the existence of the God your heart hopes for. That’s ok. He can handle all of you. Ask the hard questions. I challenge you.

I was just working on homework and fell asleep. I had a dream that people were dancing around me while I was working. One by one they stopped dancing and started standing. Eventually no one was dancing. They were all gathered somberly in a group. Instead of dance music, there was the beginnings of a whisper of first one and then two or a little more people singing a hymn. Very slowly they started to increase in volume. I could not contain myself. Whereas I had not participated with them before, now I had to sing it loudly from my heart. I was the loudest one singing: “Wonderful the matchless grace of Jesus! Deeper than the mighty rolling sea! …For even me. …O magnify the precious name of Jesus! Praise his name!” When I finished, I realized nobody else was singing anymore. They had distanced themselves from me. I overheard someone say something like, “You’ve heard there are people working in internment camps right now?” Someone responded, “Yeah, but…”. Discounting it. An older man who others had ignored earlier was someone else’s guest. I had acknowledged him when he arrived, while they didn’t. I now noticed him exiting the party. As if the internment camp talk was most alarming and cause for immediate action. As he was leaving the party, no one acknowledged him again. I caught his eye as he was closing the door. I waved at him. His eyes communicated that he saw me and appreciated me seeing him and he knew that I knew what was happening. Then he closed the door. And I woke up.

I was out running around in the brush country yesterday. The two inches of rain that fell the previous night had everyone excited. Many were running to the feed store to pick up or order product to drop in the ground as soon as possible. Preparation was needed. The old must be torn down and plowed under before the new could be planted.

There was talk of soil quality. I didn’t understand. I thought the appearance of the soil was an indication of its value. Not necessarily. To the untrained eye, looks can be deceiving. Just because there is growth doesn’t mean there is substance.

A story was told of a trip to East Texas to pick up some cattle. There was plenty of foliage and water but the animals appeared more emaciated than others grazing in what many might judge as much harsher conditions. The reason? The nutrients had been depleted from the soil primarily due to the negligence of the managers of the land.

How interesting! And as usual, Creation’s classroom is always in session. There are many lessons in all that I witnessed, but one particular point stuck out to me this Sunday morning: we are inundated with religion but a look at the news shows us the extent of our spiritual starvation. We are drawn and return diligently to what appears most fruitful, all the while wasting away with a hunger we can’t seem to satisfy. We rely on others to feed us, not realizing The Life has been leeched out.

More is not necessarily better; better is better.

Yesterday I heard it said that we have been in WWIII since the beginning of the Korean War in 1950. I felt relief. Like when you suspect your spouse has been cheating and you confront them and they continually deny it and then you finally find irrefutable proof. It’s awful to face reality but there is a sense of relief. And a realization that for better or worse, you won’t ever be as easily manipulated in the same ways again.

What’s the difference between fearing WWI will begin and accepting that we are already in the middle of it? The disappearance of a false sense of security. Security we never had in the first place. The same amount of security that signing a marriage certificate gives you. If their heart isn’t for you then the paper means nothing.

So what to do now when you realize your spouse has been running around for years and you are the last to know? We are the abused constituents but in many ways we have enabled this mess. We set the standard by the behavior we accept. Good luck blaming it all on them and forcing them to change. We have to take responsibility for our part in getting to this place. We wanted to sit back and let Big Government take care of us. Well here we are.

This is not going to be easy. This is going to take a lot of hard work and probably will be the fight of and for our lives. Follow the money trail to identify the real enemies. Who benefits from us being at war with each other? Don’t be the stupid chicks fighting over a cheating man. Think different. Start holding yourself accountable first and then hold them accountable.

I don’t know how, but I think I know Who can lead us, if not out, then definitely through this valley of death.

Waking up at 6am. Going to bed at midnight. Working six days a week. Working 10-14 hour days. Spending 10-20 hours a week on school. Three exams in one week. Working to get two business projects off the ground. Working to get healthy. Never enough time.

Sometimes it feels like I’m failing at everything. Sometimes it feels like it’s never going to happen. Sometimes I worry all this effort will be for nothing. With all the bad happening in the world, it’s a fight every day to stay motivated.

But what’s the alternative? I keep telling myself that success requires risk and sacrifice. I keep asking myself if I want the pain of discipline or the pain of regret?

Today I remembered that three years ago I was literally homeless and unemployed, sleeping in my car. And just now I remembered how far I’ve come from the messed up kid I was twenty years ago.

I’m not where I want to be, but I’m definitely not where I used to be. I’m scheduled to graduate in December with a degree in Real Estate. I’m working in commercial real estate. I’ve made a few sales on a separate business project. I have a business partner and we have potential advertisers lined up for another project. My life is full of people I love and people I respect. I’ve learned so much. It’s two steps forward, one step back; but still, progress.

I’ve been through way too much to worry about whether keeping it real is gonna make people look down on me. I highly doubt anybody’s life is as perfect as we’re pressured to appear on social media.

So, this is for all the other hard working hustlers out there. All the other dreamers taking action. All the others taking risks to reach farther and higher. All the others daring greatly. All the others in the arena getting your butt kicked. Take a minute to look up and breathe.

I’ve never felt more alive.

Not too late to participate.

#nevergiveup

I watched the “Heart of Man” movie and cried like a baby.  Loved the imagery. I think I cried every time the Father was on screen.

Before Christ was crucified, Peter was in his own strength saying, “I got this.” It is recorded for us how Peter failed.

Yet we say, “I’d never be like Peter. Everyone else will, but not me, God.” And then we all fail in our own ways. We don’t trust Him and we take matters into our own hands. Like Adam and Eve?

After they all failed Jesus, Peter and the rest of the guys were hiding and went back to what they knew before their failures.

Jesus revealed Himself to them!! He pursued them as they were failing to provide for themselves.

Did He say, “Man guys, if you would have laid down your lives for me, you probably would be having a better time right now.” Nope.

He gave them a choice: “Keep doing it your way or listen to Me.”

When they listened to Him, they were overwhelmed with goodness and that goodness opened their eyes.

Peter ran to Him. Did Jesus say, “I just died for you after you denied me. The least you could do is cook me some breakfast, Peter”? Nope.

Jesus said, “Kids, you are hungry. Take a load off and come eat some fish tacos I made for you.” 😊

Did Jesus then say, “Peter, since you towed the line and showed all these wimps how to do it, I’m going to leave you in charge when I’m gone”? Nope.

Did Jesus say, “Peter, since you repented and believed enough after you screwed up, I’m going to put you in charge when I leave so you can show the rest of these hoodlums how to do it when I’m gone”? Nope.

In front everyone, to redeem Peter’s original failure (as a picture of Christ redeeming Adam’s original failure?), Jesus said, “Peter, do you have what it takes this time?”

“No, Lord. I have a little but not enough.”

Again: “Peter, do you have what it takes?”

“No, Lord.”

And a third time, “Peter, do you have what it takes?”

“No, Lord. You know I don’t have what it takes.”

Then Jesus says, “Great! Now I can use you! Get to work: tell them how much I love you. Tell them how much I love them.”

Just like with Moses: “I got this, Lord”. God says, “Whoa Moses, let me show you some stuff.” And out Moses goes to learn to about dirty stinky sheep in the desert for a few decades.

Then after he’s lost all hope of his dreams being fulfilled, it’s like God shows up and says, “You ready, Moses?”

“Oh, no way, God. Look at me.”

“Exactly! Look at you. Perfect for what I AM doing. I don’t need your strength, Moses.”

I don’t need your strength, Sarah. I don’t need your strength, children.

Just like with the Israelites. Why were Joshua and Caleb praised? THEY KNEW THEIR GOD!!! They didn’t see things through their own efforts.

Just like with Abraham, no? Another picture of Adam and us? Kinda like, “Ok Abe, I am giving you a promise.”

“Sounds great, Lord.”

Time goes by. All Abe sees is his own inabilities.

Sarah says, not unlike Eve, “Well, maybe God really did leave us to figure this out on our own?” So they proceed to make a mess of it.

And what does God do? “That’s it! I can’t stand ya’ll!” ZAP! Nope.

More grace. God says like He said to Peter, “I don’t even need your strength of believing, Abraham. I don’t need your strength of faith.”

God gave Abraham the promise of a son before Abraham believed. Did Abraham’s subsequent acts of unbelief nullify God’s promise?

GOD KNEW!!! Right after He gives the promise, He sealed it using the perfect picture: the old tradition was that if two men made an agreement, then they signified and sealed that agreement by killing an animal and splitting it’s body in half and both men would walk through the middle of the slaughtered animal so as to say, “If I don’t keep my part of this promise then let the same thing be done to me as to this animal.”

But did God let Abraham walk through the middle of the dead animals? NO! There was only a torch to represent God that was sent through the dead animals!! To show that only God was tied to keeping the promise!

And the torch, what a picture: a Light! And on top of that, God had Abraham setup the slaughtered animals during the day but waited until the darkness in order for The Light to pass through and seal the deal.

Wow! Picture after picture. Now that is good news!