Triage

“I give you permission to be mad at me… I’m going to fight for your life even if it means I have to fight you to get it.”

Spoken by Iyanla Vanzant, but I hear the heart of Papa. Our Father. Maybe one of the more succinct pictures of the redeeming wrath of God personified.

And why not? Iyanla is included and participates in the conversation, in the great dance that is relationship, not religion. That we all are involved in. Even as we stumble. Even when we turn our backs and see only the hell of the darkness of our own shadow.

Christ in you, the only hope. And you in Him.

I don’t know the answer to every little question about how it all works. But I finally don’t need to. It’s the difference between reading a bunch of books about a person versus actually knowing them. Think of the person you know the most about. You might not be able to explain everything about them to someone but you know what you know and that’s enough. If someone else wants to get to know them then they will truly understand also. Beyond the cerebral.

I’m all about sharing insight. That’s why I write. I am 100% interested in knowing all the answers. But the difference now is that my security doesn’t depend anymore on knowing the right answers. My security is now in God alone. Who God is and how much God loves us. Loves me. Loves you. I need a God that big.

I think about people who vehemently disagree with me and, with a few exceptions, most of them are much better people than I am. Some of the best people I know. And I hesitate to say it, but I know eventually you get to a point where you need a God that is bigger than you. When the wind gets knocked out of you spiritually, emotionally, mentally, etc and you find yourself face down on the ground.

Not that God is punishing you. Not that He has some sick power trip where He wants to see you suffer. But if you insist, He lets you carry a big enough chunk of the whole world so that you will figure out you can’t and don’t need to.

I heard someone say the other day that faith is knowing you have nothing to offer. Not that you are nothing. Jesus didn’t die for nothing. God so LOVED you that He hung bleeding and naked on the torture device we nailed Him to just to prove that you can give Him everything you got and you still won’t exhaust His love. Your healing is His mission.

You are free to surrender. You are free to rest. You are free to fall back into arms that already hold your heart.

I am learning to give up.

I Want

I was listening to a really good talk by John MacMurray the other day. He mentioned that God isn’t trying to muscle His weight around to get us to submit to Him in the sense that most likely comes to mind. Rather He works, and maybe I should say loves us to the point where WE want what He knows is best for us.

How different is the wrath of God in that context? It is wrath only in the passionate sense of never giving up on us. No matter what the cost. Only for our highest good. Not for His ego.

He doesn’t need ego. He is secure. He knows who He is. He is complete without us. Actually, the Trinity exists in perfect union. Always about relationship. As I believe Baxter Kruger says, others-centered self-giving love.

Remember how God walked daily with Adam and Eve in the garden? That is communion. Let’s even leave out the religious language: that is hanging out. Wanting to be with us. Having love to give and share.

He is not interested or satisfied with an army of robot minions. It never was that way. From the beginning. This isn’t about law. We are the ones who care so much about law. God is about relationship. Always has. Always will be.

He doesn’t want you to say and do all the “right” things. He is constantly showing you who He is so you will trust Him. For your highest good. And of course, His enjoyment. In the sense of wanting to spend time with you. It’s been that way since the beginning.

For God so loved the world. Will you ask Him for healing today? Maybe ask Him to help you see Him today. And also how He sees you.