Yesterday evening I went to a store after midnight. On the other side of the road I saw an elderly man being pushed in a wheelchair down the sidewalk by two elderly women. I was concerned. Did they need help? I intended to go to the store and then ask them if they needed a ride on my way back. However, as I continued down the street, I noticed more and more people walking. They were leaving the Jewish gathering place.

When I arrived back home, I researched the Jewish holiday being celebrated. I ran across the term Pesach. As I understand it, that word is translated as Passover in the English language.

Over the years, my brain had settled into thinking Pesach/Passover was the story of an angry God who was going to kill everyone as punishment for their wrong-doing. And therefore the sacrifice of the lamb/Jesus was to protect us from God’s anger towards us.

But last night I was struck by reading that although the common English translation of Pesach is Passover, some think a more faithful translation of the verb pasàch is: he hovered over, guarding.

They say this same verb is used in Isaiah 31:5. I think the Message Bible translation captures the meaning as it is beautifully intended: “The Lord of Heaven’s Armies will hover over Jerusalem and protect it like a bird protecting its nest. He will defend and save the city; he will pass over it and rescue it.”

Of course I am fascinated by this because I again see the theme of covering. The connotation of the English word Passover to me focuses less on the main point of what the lamb’s blood symbolized. I like so much how the verse in Isaiah presents God as the protector hovering over a nest, presumably full of babies.

This reminds me of Jesus when He said how He longed to gather the people as a mother hen gathers her chicks under her wings. How beautiful. (Keep in mind He ended that statement by saying the people were unwilling to take refuge under His covering.)

Ok, so guarding from what? In reading Exodus 12, the focus of Pesach is on executing judgement not on God’s people, but on Egypt. Of course all the people of the earth are God’s Creation, but remember the things happening in the Old Testament are pictures, shadows of things to come.

So what does Egypt represent? For me Egypt represents bondage and being enslaved by something other. Something not of our own. Not intended. To me, Egypt represents the deception introduced to us by satan back in the original garden with Adam and Eve.

God’s people were enslaved and abused in Egypt. Our minds were taken captive by wrong thinking in the garden. And as God was executing judgement on the Egyptians who put His people in bondage, the message of Pesach for me is that God wanted people to realize and remember that they are unable to deliver themselves. It was God who went to war against what was killing them. And it is Jesus who sacrificed Himself to free us from what was killing us.

I’m reminded of Paul telling the Galations: “Stand fast therefore in the liberty by which Christ has made us free, and do not be entangled again with a yoke of bondage.”

What is this bondage? To me, it is anything outside of the message of Christ. Anything that mimics every other religion that says God is out there and you have to figure out how to get yourself to Him and make Him happy. Anything that preaches performance outside of the finished work of Jesus Christ.

I like how Paul tells the Colossians that we were enemies in and alienated from God in OUR minds. A matter of perception. We thinking God is against us because of what we have done.

John reminds us that God so loved us. Jesus IS the heart of the Father. Not good cop, bad cop. When Jesus says He longs to gather us under His wing, that is God the Father also wanting to gather us under His wing.

We are not willing because we are alienated in our minds. Same as in the garden. Hiding from God, trying to cover ourselves. Remember it was God who sought out Adam and Eve. Not the other way around.

To me, Paul goes on to tell the Colossians that Christ died to reconcile us back to understanding who we are in God, who God is, and how He feels about us. To show us His true heart. The good news being we are in Christ and Christ is in us – and therefore we are free from accusation and before the Father without blemish.

Immediately our minds go, “But I’m not perfect. Look at me. Look what I’ve done. I’m not good enough.” And we put ourselves right back in the garden again where the trouble all began. Thinking it depends on us.

I love how God used Paul as a witness for us. Paul, who was originally Saul. The same Saul who was so dedicated to the God he thought he knew that he sought to murder the followers of Jesus. Even as Paul was on a mission to kill those God loves, it pleased God to reveal His Son in Paul when he was still Saul. I read that as “His Son already in Saul”. The same as with Adam and Eve, God sought out Saul as he was in his tit for tat mindset.

I already know some people aren’t going to agree with me. I ask for the prayers of those people. In the meantime, attempting to share the hope that has set me free and given me great lasting joy like none other.

I was researching to try to understand the Biblical concept of “demon”. Not that I care about demons. But I was trying to understand the verse where Jesus says this type only comes out by prayer and fasting. So in that context, I ended up learning more about the concept of the fallen angel, satan – as we understand him.

Some stories say he kept himself so dedicated to God that God raised him up to a very high height. Then God told him to humble himself before Adam. Satan refused to humble himself because he thought of himself as better than Adam.

In doing so, his true heart was revealed: although he appeared to be concerned about God, at some point he was really quite proud of how great he thought he was. Having been created from what he perceived as better, he looked down on Adam and was therefore cast down. Even literally, on the ground.

What is fascinating to me is the warning for those, including myself, who claim to seek Christ: that we can start out well, quite sure we are elevating the God we love. Only to end up actually more fond of ourselves. Thinking the good we see in ourselves makes us better than those we see as less than us. Making gods of ourselves in our minds.

What ramifications does this have in terms of forgiveness? Is this why forgiving others is so important? James says confessing our shortcomings to each other and praying for each other will bring our healing. That sounds like humility to me.

I’m pretty sure James means praying for the good of others, even those who have hurt us. Versus praying for their annihilation. Are we, who think we are so close to God, actually that older brother of the prodigal – incorrectly justifying ourselves based on our good works? Rather than on Whose we are – of no effort of our own. Seems critical to pursue further.

Interestingly, Jesus came in humility from the very beginning and humbled Himself to our will. We wanted to kill Him because He didn’t do our will. Whew! Mind-blowing thought.

We wanted a King to destroy others – those that hurt us. And He came to destroy that in us. To show His redeeming love for everyone. The opposite of the heart I find in myself sometimes.

If all this Jesus stuff just leads to me being puffed up then that is demonic. Who do I think I am better than? Who do I hate? Who do I refuse to humble myself to? I always want to be the accuser of others, but where is satan in me? Where in me do I find the same basic evil that I so despise in others? Do I hold myself to the same standard that I crucify others on?

Am I following the example of The One I claim to praise and adore? He did not count His actual goodness and position gain, but humbled Himself for His beloved: who repeatedly and violently disrespected who He was.

Am I making myself sick because of pride manifested as unforgiveness?

I am not saying we should enable others to abuse us. But can we start to humble ourselves by even praying for the good of those that have hurt us? That they will change for the better versus being destroyed to satisfy our desire for the justice we want for them versus the mercy and understanding we want for ourselves? Can we pray to see the same broken child in them that resides in us? Not to excuse bad behavior but to diffuse the damaging power of the monster and cancer we casually name Bitterness.

Lord, please help us.

Spring cleaning my entire life. For a few months now. Especially since my employer went out of business in December. Working on all those projects I’ve put off for way too long.

Sometimes I get so overwhelmed with anxiety. So much to do. So much to process. So much to feel. Ugh. Yet it’s all coming together. Slow, but steady.

I’m excited. Building a good foundation for the future. Especially for business. And better relationships and physical health.

Sustained growth requires so much discipline. And being internally motivated. Versus just waiting for direction from others.

Growth requires pushing through the fear of failure and potentially appearing foolish. Remember, if they’re not in the arena with you – why give loose lips and condescending looks so much power?

We all have the same amount of hours in the day. Yes, things have happened to you – but what are you going to do about it now? Are you going to be able to live well with the excuses you keep telling yourself?

A friend told me yesterday: one step doesn’t feel like a lot, but a lot of little steps add up eventually. Choose life and live!

I think of the parable of the talents. The only one who was in trouble was the one who did nothing. Because of fear. You are loved. You’ve been given your own unique mixed bag of blessings.

What do you want? What are you going to be able to say you did with yourself today? At least try something. One thing. For you. To reclaim some self-respect. And enjoyment.

Religion incorrectly requires you to prove your devotion. Knowing Him makes you realize His is not in question. Real love gives you wings and wants the best for you.

Maybe it won’t work out. But at least you will have tried. At least you’d know. This existence of watching the clock while waiting around for a “miracle” will always be here if you want to come back to it.

Fear and ego – the deathly duo. The good thing about failure is if you face it then you realize it’s more bark than bite. And newsflash: we’re all humans fumbling around trying to figure it out.

Who do you think is keeping the real score? What is going to matter on your last day? I say go for it. Give it your all. Not recklessly. But with your whole heart. All your strength. So that you are satisfied with your effort.

Progress, not perfection. Never give up.

Perfect love casts out fear.

“The old system under the law of Moses was only a shadow, a dim preview of the good things to come, not the good things themselves… He takes away the first that He may establish the second… And since we have a great High Priest who rules over God’s house, let us go right into the presence of God with sincere hearts fully trusting him.” (Hebrews 10)

“I’ve seen others come on board.”

A new day. New life.

What do you want? What is the story that you are telling yourself? What excuse are you using today? What will you have to do to live with the regret of not going for it? Of not giving it everything you have? Of not leaving your all on the field?

Not little all. But big ALL! Because it’s going to take every little last bit of you. All your energy, all your strength, all your focus, all your mind, and mostly – ALL your heart.

This is personal. Dreams like this aren’t safely detached away in an intellectual cocoon. Dreams like this are deeply personal and come with inherent expense and risk. But you already know there is also a price for letting them fester inside without giving birth to them.

They might take you out by going for it, but there is a guaranteed death of you from the inside out for slowly smothering the sprouting seed of them inside the womb of your comfort. Be bold. Embrace discomfort. It’s going to come either way. The pain of regret or the pain of change.

You are not your failures. You are courageous and big of heart. You are a warrior. You are alive when you are living fully from that space. It’s like having a fire inside that is able to give warmth and light to so many but will burn you up if you keep it to yourself.

There were big losses. Big punches to the gut. Big pains. Those around you with less awareness don’t want to have these conversations with you because they stalled out and shut down long ago. It’s too painful. They are more afraid than you are.

But you know great love. You know a great God. Ask for Him to breathe new life into your heart today. Ask Him to give you His eyes.

Don’t you dare insult Him by adding this as a requirement to a checklist to earn His love and acceptance, a burden. That is not His heart and you know it on your better days.

There is light at the end of this tunnel. There is great reward with great dreams. Some part of you has experiential knowledge that knows this to be true.

They may never know what it took to get there. But you’re not doing it for them. What if you get what you want? What if you go for it and it happens? What do you want? Choose life. Never give up.

Elijah said to God, “…I alone am left…” and God said, “I have reserved seven thousand”. After He comforts him and gives him nourishment. After He says, “Go, return on your way to the Wilderness”.

Possible that things will get worse before they get better. Do not be afraid or dismayed. The battle is not yours, but God’s. You will not need to fight in this battle. Position yourselves, stand still and see the salvation of the Lord, who is with you. Do not fear or be dismayed. Go out against them, for the Lord is with you.

If you have run with the footmen, and they have wearied you, then how can you contend with horses?

Things might not get better for awhile but I am not abandoned. Prayers are being answered. For good. Just not the way that is wanted or expected.

The disciples were loved and safe in the boat even though the waves were whipping all around terribly.

Fighting to stay rested. Almost what it seems like. And yet still He is the One fighting for me. Can I really just be a kid on His lap? Let Him do ALL the heavy lifting? Seems like everything is being stripped away to where I have no other options.

I was reading about how we think a day starts at sunset but the Jewish people think the day starts at sundown, I believe. So I guess when it is dark, that means the light is around the corner. Not the end but the beginning.

I was thinking yesterday about having a poverty mentality. In the sense of limiting our options only to what we’ve known or experienced versus dreaming and reaching for what is really possible.

We can have a poverty mentality in several areas of our lives. One easy example is where we choose to live. We grew up being exposed to certain neighborhoods. We could unintentionally limit ourselves to only reaching for the best that we’ve known versus the best that is available out in this big world.

The stereotypical example that comes to mind, because I listen to a lot of music, are the rappers from crime-ridden neighborhoods who get a come-up and then crown themselves ghetto royalty. Subsequent songs then talk about everyone trying to take their success from them. Instead of enduring the discomfort required to face reality, extract themselves from toxic situations, and do the work required to surround themselves with people who challenge them to be their best selves.

By no means am I implying that it is easy. Even minding our own business with the best of intentions can be experienced by others as a threat. It is painful and takes courage to be the person to break rank. The one who challenges the status quo. Maybe even being a reluctant resigned leader. I think of Gideon. And Moses.

Some people are in our lives for a season or a reason. And there are different devils with new levels. A well-meaning person can be caught off guard and stay tripped up for awhile. Between two worlds. Having broken out of their shell but overgrown for the nest.

Fly. Fly, free bird. You were born for this. All of history has brought you to this moment. Whose mind will you confine yourself to? Others and your own? Or the limitless mind and love of Christ?

It feels like falling for awhile. The unknown. Seemingly alone. Not there yet. When will the new feel as real as the former? Nothing feels like home. Grounded only in Who loves you. Who sees what you can’t and keeps the ember alive deep inside: dreams that won’t die; no rest as long as they are arrested.

When you know better, you do better. You already know, but will you let yourself admit it? Once you know, you are responsible. Not for being perfect. But for at least fighting the good fight.

You are not an abandoned pauper. You are in the middle of a mission, if you choose to accept it. You fight FROM victory, not FOR victory. You are a very loved child of The King of Kings. The Great I AM. The One who spared no expense to make you His own.

Don’t turn back. Stand and still your soul in the extravagant love of your Creator and Savior. Tune into the celebration being sung in your spirit versus the unsettled screams of the situation; His character versus the circumstances.

Little loved one, this is not your battle, but the Lord’s. You are rich in Him. More than you know. Time will tell. This is not the end. Never give up.

Why do you say, O Jacob, and speak, O Israel: “My way is hidden from the Lord, and my just claim is passed over by my God”? Have you not known? Have you not heard? The everlasting God, the Lord, the Creator of the ends of the earth, neither faints nor is weary. His understanding is unsearchable. He gives power to the weak, and to those who have no might He increases strength. Even the youths shall faint and be weary, and the young men shall utterly fall, but those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint.” (Isaiah 40)

Or what man is there among you who, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will he give him a serpent? If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask Him! (Matthew 7)