Sarah Nyhan

There are thousands of reasons to give up. But they won’t make you sleep any better at night. Your dreams will never stop haunting you. Until you actually try. 

You haven’t actually tried. Not for real, for real. 

Yeah, you gave it a go. You ran up to the line. You made at least one effort. Maybe a few more. But then you gave up, bitch. You went and sat on the sidelines to cry about it. You said, “This must not have been for me.” After only THAT many attempts?!

What ego! To think other people have to work at things, but then you cop out if you can’t get it right away! Other people have to work for things, but you shouldn’t? Other people have to work for things, but you are going to throw a pity party if it doesn’t come easy for you? Ridiculous! So much ego!

Do you really want it or not?!

You KNOW you could have done better! You know more would be possible if you actually put in more work. If you actually tried.

But trying requires investment. Trying requires commitment. Trying means putting some actual skin in the game. 

Trying requires saying no to other GOOD things. With no guarantee or promise that you’ll actually succeed. That you may lose a lot and not see a return on your efforts.

You might still lose.

But maybe at least you’d respect yourself more. Right now you are mad at yourself. Right now you are furious with yourself. When you see other people have what you might be able to get. 

Or let’s face it: maybe too much time has passed. Maybe you have lost so much already. But does that mean you should just completely give up on anything you want ever being possible?!

I’m so mad at myself. That I let fear steal so many years. That I let depression win anything. But that doesn’t mean it makes any sense to throw away the rest of my time here. 

The problem is you have to face whether you REALLY believe things you want are actually possible. You have to have that conversation with yourself. It’s not easy. But that’s the thin line. 

How badly do you want it?

I will hate myself if I continue down this path I’ve walked. This giving up. It was necessary for a time. Because I put way too much pressure on myself. Incorrectly from how I was taught by others.

So the pressure is off now. There are no outside motivations anymore. No outside drivers. It’s just me staring my dreams down in the face. It’s just me staring myself in the face. And asking myself if I’m about that lazy bullshit. If that’s how I want to go down.

Or do my dreams mean enough to me to actually try. To actually put in the work.

Am I going to be happy continuing to distract myself from the pain of not having what I really want? Or am I actually going to try? Actually get back in the game FOR REAL this time?

Not making excuses. Not letting myself off the hook.

Looking all the hard work in the face and saying, “Let’s do this.” For myself. For future me. Not because I have to. But because that’s the only way I’ll be happy and respect myself. Full stop. 

Was I really serious when I said, “never give up”? Or am I just a bullshitter?