Writing

  • So Many Questions

    I’m still confused about why these people sound like they are saying all people are not “saved”/reconciled.

    Haven’t settled that issue in my mind yet. I’m wondering if being saved means something different than what I previously learned.

    Rest.

    So many questions about all this.

    I guess this a such a stronghold for me because it ties in with several important relationships/decisions in my life. But I trust that means Holy Spirit will lead me to understanding. It’s because of God’s goodness that I just can’t settle on Him leaving us hanging on this huge issue.

  • As If Nothing Happened

    I was praying this morning for help in forgiving.

    “Forgiving is tough. Excusing is easy. What a mistake it is to confuse forgiveness with being mushy, soft, gutless, and oh so understanding. When you and I excuse the behavior, what we’re really doing is trying to protect ourselves from admitting the pain that we really bear. And unfortunately I think we’ve been hurt in ways we’ve never visited cause we are scared to see what it would look like… We medicate when we don’t want to face stuff… Forgiveness is not turning the other cheek and acting as if nothing happened.” – Mike Zenker

  • Celebrate

    I get so caught up in the outcome. Tying my worth to how things look.

    If our Jesus was judged the same way, they’d probably label Him a failure. What kind of King would we value who appeared naked, beaten, and bleeding?

    I’m not saying it’s ok to sit back and be lazy or do nothing. I’m just reminding myself that what people value on earth doesn’t always carry the same weight after this life.

    It’s difficult to live in this world and remember that. I stress so much about not measuring up.

    And then I’ll have a moment where I feel God smiling and it’s like, “Chill out”.

    From others it’s usually this constant hammering of: “You’re not enough”.

    And there’s little room to celebrate things like moments where you have an enriching conversation with someone. Or you took the time to connect with someone the media is constantly inciting you to be at discord with. Or you smiled at someone. Or you encouraged someone.

    What if that’s all I can claim as accomplishments at the end of this life?

    I need to stop giving my power away to others to decide what is important for me. And I need to quit being my own worst enemy. Quit the self-condemnation. Identify my values. Are they aligned with God’s view of me?

    Is God going to measure my success based on how much I weigh, my position, my popularity, how many dollars are in my bank account, or _fill in the blank_? I am pretty confident the answer is thankfully, no. Not that there is anything wrong with being healthy, prominent, or wealthy.

    The question is how do I define my worth and value?

    Live loved.

  • In Dependence

    So comforting to learn that God expects us to be in dependence versus independent. Be still, my soul. Rest. It is well.

  • Celebrate

    I get so caught up in the outcome. Tying my worth to how things look. If our Jesus was judged the same way, they’d probably label Him a failure. What kind of King would we value who appeared naked, beaten, and bleeding? I’m not saying it’s ok to sit back and be lazy or do nothing. I’m just reminding myself that what people value on earth doesn’t always carry the same weight after this life.

    It’s difficult to live in this world and remember that. I stress so much about not measuring up. And then I’ll have a moment where I feel God smiling and it’s like, “Chill out”.

    From others it’s usually this constant hammering of: “You’re not enough”. And there’s little room to celebrate things like moments where you have an enriching conversation with someone, or you took the time to connect with someone the media is constantly inciting you to be at discord with, or you smiled at someone, or you encouraged someone. What if that’s all I can claim as accomplishments at the end of this life?

    I need to stop giving my power away to others to decide what is important for me. And I need to quit being my own worst enemy. Quit the self-condemnation. Identify my values. Are they aligned with God’s view of me?

    Is God going to measure my success based on how much I weigh, my position, my popularity, how many dollars are in my bank account, or _fill in the blank_? I am pretty confident the answer is thankfully, no. Not that there is anything wrong with being healthy, prominent, or wealthy.

    The question is how do I define my worth and value? Live loved. ☝

  • In Dependence

    So comforting to learn that God expects us to be in dependence versus independent. 💙 Be still, my soul. Rest. It is well.

  • Sing

    When you get two major rejections, resources strained, tired, mad. Feel Holy Spirit saying, “Sit still and chat for a bit”. Finally sit still for a minute. Reminded of how the Israelites must have felt right before that Red Sea. Reminded to sing instead of sulking. Turn on some “white bread” Jesus music. One minute into the first song my brother, completely unaware of anything, texts me a new song I never heard before by my favorite old school “secular” rapper. Song title: “You Ain’t Gotta Worry”. Lyrics exactly what I needed to hear. Exactly speaking to my moment. Like Holy Spirit saying, “Not only do I gotcha, but I love ya.” With an amazing sense of humor. 💙