Sarah Nyhan

I was cutting off the wrong one.

I loved you too much. So much that all these years I’d rather have killed myself than be without you.

Maybe I’m finally tired of that shit. Maybe it’s time for me to LIVE!!! As more than just a shadow of you. 

I tried to make myself so damn small for you that I all but disappeared. All that was left was a ghostly empty shell of my presence. 

Seething inside. With all the emotions you’d rather die than deal with. 

It’s not on me if you don’t try. If you don’t do the work. If you continue hiding behind all that bullshit. 

I’m done needing your validation. I’m done needing you to be okay with me. I’m done trying to drag your dead bodies along with me everywhere I go. Just because it’s that damn hard for me to let you all go.

This whole time I refused to die. So this should be no surprise. Just a long time coming. 

Yeah, fuck giving up on me. That was the wrong choice. 

Unfortunately I see now that I gotta give up on you. 

Back, bitches. 

Deal with it. Or not. 

Almost got me. 

But I finally see. 

Ironic that I’d never gotten this far if you hadn’t kept pushing relentlessly.  Now my turn to press the pedal down to the floor. Except not for you anymore. This time just for me.