Sarah Nyhan

A continuation of my attempt to finish a book I started in December 2017. Posting chapters in an attempt to organize it all and finish. And I now know I don’t have to, but it wants to be written. Why? I’m not sure yet.

Also, this is not the next chronological chapter in the book. But it’s the chapter that wants to be written today.

—–

We had stopped hanging out and talking after the younger single woman was allowed to come between us and our friendship. And predictably she told me I needed to move out. With only three weeks’ notice.

But I had always found cute little apartments in the past. And now I was officially in real estate. So I wasn’t worried. There was no excuse. I would do what I had always done. Just hunt for a little bit and then move… on.

I checked the online ads day in and day out. I drove through neighborhoods. But nobody was returning my calls and emails. Nothing was working out. The ads were bait and switch; hundreds of dollars more than advertised. Or the places were too dirty or dangerous. One landlord showed a space with an active gas smell. Another even had the gall to show a space with freshly deceased roaches laying around!

But I still wasn’t worried. I was thinking two weeks out is still a great amount of time to find a place and plan to move.

It passes.

Ok, one week, Lord; I can do one week.

No?

Um, ok. I guess one weekend. Surely I’ll find a place the weekend before I need to move?!

Nope. Nothing was working out.

But by this point, I was used to stuff like this happening so many times before that I just had a feeling it was God closing the doors. I mean I’m in real estate; surely if anyone is capable at finding a place, it’s me.

So it was Monday and I was supposed to move on Wednesday. I still didn’t have a place. But I scheduled the movers anyway. I was thinking, “This is insane.”

But I kept remembering about the Israelites during the Exodus. I had prayed for years that I would be like Joshua and Caleb. And it felt like God was saying, “Now is your time.” So I kept repeating to myself over and over, “I know He didn’t bring me this far just to let me die in the desert.”

Now, please don’t picture me being calm! Internally it felt like I was a palm tree in a category five hurricane! I would have anxiety hit me so hard that I literally felt like I might pass out!

But God is so good…

Whenever I taught the kids at CCSA, I always only taught them one story every time I had nursery duty. I had taught it probably over two dozen times. It was the story about Peter when he started to sink on the ocean after walking on water.

When I was a kid, I didn’t feel like there were any adults to trust so it was always on my heart to teach kids how to cry out to God when they felt scared. So I would tell them the story about Peter walking on the water. And then I’d have the kids line up and I’d go down the line and walk every kid through the following:

I’d say, “What do you do when you are scared?”

And then I taught them to each repeat, “Jesus, help me!”

Well, I intended the lesson to be for those two and three year olds. But maybe it was really for me. Because here I was facing homelessness again in less than 72 hours. And God brought my own words back to me. So many times.

I would literally fall on my knees in front of my chair at the house and just sit there praying to God over and over: “I can’t do this, Lord. I can’t do this. I want to be strong but I’m not strong. Please help me!”

And I would just hear the Lord over and over reminding me of Exodus 14. And my favorite chapter in the Bible, 2 Chronicles 20: “Be still, Sarah. Be still and see the salvation of the Lord.”

So I would literally just sit there on my knees, or bowing my head in the car, and I would just try to quiet my soul as Spirit would pour out reminders of all the other times God had provided for me in the past.

And then I would turn on worship music and picture myself as the people in 2 Chronicles 20. Praising God as they marched toward what at the time seemed like certain impending doom. Not having a clue as to what was going to happen.

But I’m still thinking, “Ok, haha Lord. I passed the test, right? It’s the day before I need to move. Surely today is the day You will show me where I am going to move. I mean, logically, right?”

People who knew me were calling for updates. Asking me what I was going to do. This is less than twenty-four hours before I am supposed to move. And I felt completely insane not having an answer. Not having a plan. This was not how I was raised. I knew better.

So I feverishly worked all day. Looking around. Calling. Emailing.

Finally one person returns my call. But I went to see the place and it was awful! It smelled old and musty. Felt dirty. And the building had so much neglected maintenance. It was a high-rise and I was scared that I wouldn’t have time to get out if it caught on fire.

“Lord?”

I felt like Spirit was telling me that if I went ahead with that place then I would be settling out of fear. Just taking it to have at best a brief and tenuous false sense of “security”.

So I decided to trust God for better. And I turned down the place with less than 24 hours before I needed to move.

I felt completely crazy! How do you communicate to others the things you feel God is speaking to your heart? Especially the things that don’t make any sense?

So, what do I do now? Well, out of routine habit, I jumped right back to working out the problem. And decided to drive over to another apartment complex off Huebner. I didn’t really want to live there, but it was all I could think of at the last minute. I mean we’re talking almost four in the afternoon. The leasing offices would be closing in an hour and I had to move in the morning.

But I was in my work vehicle, so on my way to the apartment building, I stopped by an office building where I needed to go in and research at least one of the tenants for my employer.

I kid you not, when I pulled into the office building parking lot, it was a beautiful sunny day. Blue skies. Full sun.

And all I did was park, go inside, take the elevator upstairs, quickly research the location of the tenant’s office, use the bathroom, and then come downstairs.

And by the time I made it back down to the first floor, which was literally probably only five to ten minutes at the most, somehow a torrential thunderstorm had started and was raging outside.

And when I say torrential, I mean the rain was blowing sideways. I had never seen that in real life before. And there was so much water coming in that the front desk security was trying to block water from coming in the front doors.

It was so odd. The skies were dark and menacing. And out of nowhere.

But this is Texas. We’re used to this. And I didn’t have an umbrella. So I decided to just sit in the office building lobby for a few minutes. Wait out the worst and then make a run for my car once the storm started to move on.

Except it didn’t. Five minutes turned to ten minutes. Turned to fifteen minutes. All the while I am watching the clock. Trying to get to this leasing office in time to sign the paperwork and get keys for the next day. But also not wanting to get soaked and showing up like some dog off the streets. Not a great first impression when you’re trying to ask someone to trust you with their property.

Instead of moving on, the storm actually started to get worse. And by this point it is nearing the end of the day, so many of the workers in the office building are congregating in the lobby. Probably thinking similarly to me. Not wanting to get drenched. Intending to wait out the worst for a few minutes and then jet.

But so many people are in the lobby now that they are standing closer to me. And comically, the ones standing almost over my shoulder start saying “random” things like, “It wasn’t even supposed to rain”. And, “So-and-so called me and said they had to pull over because they couldn’t see to drive”. Etc.

It felt like I was Jonah on the ship. Running away from where God wanted me. And the storm that caused the people on Jonah’s ship to throw things overboard seemed to have arrived in San Antonio. Out of nowhere. And it felt like my fault.

Finally I just surrendered. I sat there in the office lobby and I gave up.

Because by that time it was 4:45 PM and all the apartment complexes would probably close at five. And I was at the 410/I-10 interchange. So there was no way I was going to get anywhere anytime soon with rush-hour traffic jammed up by the rain.

I resigned myself and said, “Ok, Lord. I think You are telling me, ‘No’. I think You are closing another door. I think you sent this storm to keep me from going to that apartment complex and signing a lease.”

I surrendered. Sat in the office lobby and waited just a few more minutes until the rain predictably now let up.

And now it’s the end of the day before I need to move, I had movers scheduled for the morning and nowhere to go.

But I kept holding onto this sentence: “God didn’t bring me out into the desert to die.”

I laughed at the “craziness” of God’s timing. And felt like Spirit was encouraging me to not be scared about it. To instead go and enjoy my dinner meal.
So I drove over to Las Palapas on Callaghan. And proceeded to schedule the moving van rental for the morning. While I waited for my order. Feeling completely insane.

But I kept feeling like God was saying, “Keep moving. Keep marching forward. As if everything is going to work out fine.”

It didn’t make any sense.

But I went back to the house and started packing the remaining items and cleaning the remaining things to clean. All my boxes and furniture was stacked up and ready to be loaded. With nowhere to go.

But I felt so heavy like God was speaking to my heart to just be faithful in doing what I needed to do while I was waiting for the answer. Versus sitting down and melting into a paralyzed panic.

So I listened to worship music and prayed. Read some Scriptures and tried to get some sleep.

All of a sudden at 11pm an idea came to my mind of where to go the next morning: my old apartment complex. Where I lived before I moved in with this younger single woman that was allowed to come between us.

So the next morning, three hours before the movers are supposed to arrive, one and a half hours before I’m supposed to pick up the moving van, I wake up and immediately shoot straight up in bed. Very dramatic. Just like in the movies. As everything in me was SCREAMING: “Aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!!!”

FULL BLOWN PANIC!

I felt SO much anxiety that I felt like I was going to throw up!

But I immediately started to pray. And God calmed me. But I probably had to stop and pray literally almost every five minutes that morning!

And when I wasn’t praying, I was trying to sing along to worship music. Trying to keep the panic and tears away.

I kept repeating to myself, “God didn’t bring me this far to let me die in the desert.”

I was almost shaking as I went to pick up the van at 8:00 AM. It was raining so I used the weather to buy an hour of extra time when I called and asked the movers if they could come at 10:00 AM instead.

That gave me an hour to find a place. Hahaha!

Did I go to the place that came to mind the previous night? No, because that didn’t make sense. It was clear across town for one.

Instead I did the “logical” thing and started with the closest apartment complexes. Called several but I couldn’t afford their rates or they didn’t have availability until later dates.

And just when I had worked myself almost into despondency again, Spirit whispered the calm reminder about my previous apartment complex across town.

“But God, that doesn’t make any sense? The leasing office doesn’t even open until 10:00 AM. And that’s when my movers will be arriving. I have to be here to let them in.”

“Just trust Me.”

I did it mad. I drove over there expecting nothing. Trying to think up a backup plan the whole way. Telling myself that it wouldn’t work out and I’d just find a storage space after to put my things into. And then stay the night in a motel so I could figure out what to do with myself. That was the best plan I could come up with at that point.

But still drove over to the apartment complex. Here goes “crazy” Sarah once again, right? Following God out into the middle of the ocean. Looking like a fool. Right?

I arrived at my old apartment complex at 9:00 AM. Like I had just told God, the office was closed.

“See! What now, God?! After I wasted all this time!”

“Just trust Me.”

“Trust You?!?! I’ve been trying to trust You and LOOK where it’s gotten me!”

Before I could even finish the thought, the office manager starts walking up to the front doors. He’s not even supposed to be here or be open for another hour.

I jumped out of my car and ran to catch up to him before he went inside the office and locked the door behind him. He recognized me from when I lived there before so we skipped the pleasantries and I quickly asked him if he had any apartments for rent.

“Only one place for $800+”.

That was WAY outside my budget at the time.

“Lord?!?! Why did you send me all the way over here if there is nothing available for me?!”

“Just trust Me.”

So I thanked the manager but told him that $800+ was out of my price range. And I dejectedly turned to go back to my car and drive away.

Then he said, “Well, come inside and let me look at my computer.”

I’m thinking, “Why? I can’t even afford anything here.” But I follow him anyway since I have no other plan at this point.

And he sits down and starts navigating his system. Then after a minute or two of looking around, he says, “Wait! We do have one unit that is not remodeled that we could rent for $695.”

That’s in my price range! So I run to go look at the apartment to make sure it isn’t a disaster. And it wasn’t everything I wished for, but definitely good enough. So I run back to the leasing office and tell him I’ll take it!

But we still have to do all the paperwork and I have movers showing up across town in less than an hour. So he sends me to go get the money orders while he runs my application.

I lived there before. No issues. But when I came back from racing down the street to get the money orders, he told me that my rental application was denied due to a class C reckless driving misdemeanor on my record from SEVENTEEN years ago! It doesn’t make any sense! Why is this now an issue?!

“Lord?!?”

But the manager was able to call a supervisor and receive special approval for my application. So we were back on again. But then he told me that I needed to get a utility account number and rental insurance before he could give me the keys.

We had already come this far. And I had no other plan. So without knowing if I could get it done, I assured him that I’d call to get what the apartment complex needed before I came back with the movers and all my stuff. And off I went to meet the movers. As if I was going to be able to move in. With no keys in hand.

Long story short, I was able to call and get what I needed as I went to meet the movers. I even had extra time to spare as I waited for them. Calm and no stress from then out.

Plus the manager gave me $350 off the first month’s rent. In addition to not charging me the $50 application fee or the $100 admin fee.

After weeks of failing to work everything out “logically”, God’s plan was able to get everything figured out smooth as butter in less than thirty minutes! Thirty MINUTES before the movers showed up!

Talk about a Red Sea parting with Pharaoh’s army on my heels!

It was an incredible, wild, crazy adventure. Not only did God show up, but He really showed off!

My timing was NOT His timing. And I knew I would be ok either way. But whew, what a lesson in trust!

He didn’t bring us this far to leave us in the desert.

“I just can’t give up now;
I come too far from where I started from.
Nobody told me the road would be easy,
but I don’t believe He brought me this far to leave me.”

Jesus loves us.