What I really wish I could do today is say “Happy Birthday” to D. 💙 But I can’t.
So, back to the continuation of my attempt to finish a book I started in December 2017. Posting chapters to try to organize it all and finish.
I wish I hadn’t thrown out my journals so I could remember the timeline. Because just like when I was fourteen, the memories after I left Manna House for good are all in pieces because of the chaos of just focusing on getting through each day at a time. So, this is my best attempt in telling what happened next. And also why it takes so long; trying to organize everything in my brain with even a semblance of chronological accuracy.
At some point in my Manna House leavings, I stayed nights with Lydia and Jeremiah. I remember staying with Linda and Mark. Also Brandon and Maria. Vicki’s. Gloria’s. Maybe even at Tusi’s.
But now I was so much more in tune. And although I intended probably every time to settle down, it seemed like God only kept me at each place for a night or two. Usually accompanied by a few hours of deep conversations with whoever was having me over. Before I’d feel the peace leave about being there. Whenever I’d try to ignore that feeling, things would deteriorate until I listened. So I started to get really good at saying goodbye.
You’d think, “What a convenient bullshit excuse, Sarah.” But you don’t know everything. You don’t know that I strongly resented my mother for staying with my father for so many years. Long after I believe she knew better. Fear. And in my opinion, for the money and security staying provided. This really angered me because I never remember her not going to church, not praying. So why wouldn’t she trust God and leave?
God lets me judge my mother, but not without living some of that judgement out on myself. And I don’t even have kids. No excuses, but I can certainly empathize more now after all I’ve been through. And that’s why I am telling you these stories. So maybe you will think of me and what I share. Maybe it will help you see that the same is possible for yourself.
There was a night that I spent in my car at Buc-ee’s in New Braunfels. As close as I could to the access road. In order to hopefully prevent someone from assaulting me.
Another night in my car at the Pilot truck stop in New Braunfels.
But you can’t really get sleep at these places. Constantly cold or hot depending on the season. I left Manna House for good in October, so the weather was fickle. I remember one night where I was near tears because it was so cold that I could only sleep a few minutes at a time out of exhaustion.
“Where are You, God? I thought I was the victim in this situation. Why aren’t you delivering me? Why does it seem like the people who hurt me are sitting pretty? Without a care in the world. Living the life off the backs of those they use. When will You defend me? Or am I the one who is off base?”
I didn’t have a job so I went to Live Oak Park sometimes during the day. And tried to get some sleep in the car since the sun would warm up the interior enough that I could doze off for longer.
I would shower at the gym since I still had a membership.
It was miserable. Being homeless is one of the most soul-crushing things. Especially at dusk in the evenings. When the sun is almost gone. And you see people in their warm houses, turning on lights and getting comfortable. While you are stuck outside. Trying to emotionally and mentally prepare yourself for another night of hell out in the elements.
At least I had a car. I completely understand why people use drugs when they are 100% on the street. I’m not sure I could ever mentally survive if that ever happened to me. I hope I never have to find out.
One day I was walking in Live Oak Park. Just wandering around. Because I had nothing else to do. Nowhere else to go. Just walking and thinking. Trying to figure out if I had ruined everything by leaving Manna House. Trying to figure out what to do.
When all of a sudden I hear someone call my name. I looked around surprised. Who would be here at the park calling me?!
It was my friend Alicia from Calvary Chapel. The one who I spent the previous summer with. The one who originally had been watching Angel.
She wondered why I was out in the park. She didn’t know that I left Manna House. We got to talking.
Long story short, she invited me to come and stay with her and her family. I went from homeless to having a place to stay just like that. And stayed with them for several days.
But just like with everywhere else before, at some point I started to not have peace about being there. I wasn’t sure I was making the right decision, but I ended up leaving without having anywhere else to go. Homeless again.
This time I found myself at the library off Judson and Nacogdoches. Sitting in a chair. On the verge of tears. Wondering if I was doing the right things. And trying to figure out what to do next. Asking God what I should do. Thinking for sure He’ll provide a way. But I didn’t know what it was. I couldn’t figure out what I was supposed to do.
And as I’m sitting there in the library, I get a call on my phone. It was Judy.
She and I used to talk at church because I sat in the front row when I used to go. And she and her husband were on the worship team. So we would chat during the meet and greet times.
And then when I used to attend, I did childcare on Sunday nights when she and her husband were there to lead a class for new believers. We would talk a lot then as we waited to see if anyone would show up for those classes.
But other than that, not once had we ever hung out socially. I had never been to her house or even had lunch with her.
So there I am at the library when she randomly called me. She started by apologizing for even offering, and then proceeded to tell me that she thought God had been telling her to call me and offer me a place to stay. In their home.
She didn’t even know that I was homeless!! She offered all of this without knowing anything!!
Again, like with the $20 that Emerita had given me when I didn’t have any gas – God had seen me!
I was amazed! I hadn’t let my needs be known, and God showed off big time for me!
I told Judy, “Yes, in fact I do need a place to stay”. And there I go over to their super nice house in a gated community. Where they had an inground pool and every other creature comfort. Even a pool table upstairs if I had wanted to use it. And I basically had the whole second floor to myself. An ensuite bath. Perfect neighborhood to walk in for safety. And even their two dogs that I could walk with. It was a good time. I felt like I was on vacation compared to sleeping in my car at truck stops. I felt like a princess in a castle.
Nothing about it all made any sense! They were great people, but they had no idea what my situation was. And yet again God showed off for me. Fixed my problem without my help. Abundantly!
I’ve told them all before, but it bears repeating again, thank you all so much for your generosity and being there for me!
Sarah Nyhan 
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