Sarah Nyhan

A continuation of my attempt to finish a book I started in December 2017. Posting chapters in an attempt to organize it all and finish.

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But first a story from right before I moved into Julie’s.

I was still living downtown. Taking the bus to work every weekday. And eating in the cafeteria at work for lunch most days.

So one day I’m downstairs, waiting in line to pay for my food, and I reach out to grab a cookie to add to my order. Suddenly a man next to me comments on my cookie purchase.

Now maybe you’re not a fat girl. Maybe you don’t understand the rules. So I’ll repeat them here just in case: if you see a fat girl buying a cookie, you’re not allowed to comment on that. 😆 Comment on anything else, but don’t comment on the cookie.

I hadn’t been paying any attention to him until he spoke to me. But I was irritated by him calling me out on my purchase. So from the hip I quickly responded with something sarcastic like, “Yes, I am maintaining my Olympic figure.” And then I waved my hand down my body as if to highlight all that was obvious to see.

The man responded, “Don’t you know that you are a child of God?”

Wha-wha-wha-what?! Come again? What did he just say to me? Who would just say something like that?

So he had my attention. I asked him what his name was. Solomon! His name was freaking Solomon. Of course his name is Solomon. How does this happen to me?!

So I told him my name was Sarah. And he responded with something like, “Oh yeah, from the Bible.” Yes, from the Bible. So now he has even more of my attention.

He walked with me to the elevator and by the time we got to my floor, he was already saying he wanted to reach out to talk more. It was only a short walk to my desk, but by the time I sat down and turned my computer back on, he was already messaging me.

Oh, and I forgot to mention he was F.I.N.E.!!! I mean GQ magazine fine. Smartly dressed. Muscular and a dream in many ways. Very dark-colored skin. I assumed and later confirmed that he was from Africa. And not just looks – he was also an engineer.

What could go wrong?

Well, for one, nobody that fine ever usually hits on me. Which he proceeded to do immediately after I returned to my desk. Within the first conversation, he was saying he wanted to take me to Africa. And inviting me to go with him on a trip out of state.

What a temptation! A beautiful strong man just rolling up on me like that.

But I’m not playing games. He doesn’t know me. He doesn’t know all I’ve been through. And more importantly he doesn’t know that I think God has told me that another man that I’ve never met yet is going to be my future husband – Mr. December 19th.

So I cut to the chase. And I quickly asked him if he was married. He said he was, but only because his wife was in Africa and they couldn’t get a divorce. How convenient. 🙄 So I told him I wasn’t interested.

But he still wanted to go out and talk. And it was probably how freaking fine and smooth he was that started messing with my mind. Making me look for any way this could work out. So I gave him my test: back then I had a test that I would give guys who approached me. It was a double-edged sword. It was intended to weed out the fakes from the real ones. And it went like this: if they asked me to go out, I’d say, “Sure, we can go out. But it has to be going to church.”

One guy I gave this test to responded by saying, “Shit! I’m not going to take you to church, but I’ll take you to Church’s Chicken.” 😆 Points for creativity and humor, but HELL NO. Hahaha.

Anyway, Solomon called my bluff. When I told him to meet me at church, he actually showed up!! How it played out was that I was sitting up front that day. As per usual. And Paula had been going around greeting people. When she came and sat down in her spot next to me, she leaned over and gave me a note she wrote that said something like, “Don’t turn around, but a Solomon is here to see you.”

I was SHOCKED! Never had a man actually taken me up on my test. Why did he come to church?! Lord?! What are You doing to me? This man is clearly off limits and not Mr. December 19th!?

The service ended and of course I immediately got up and scanned the room to look for him. I saw him as he was headed for the doors. I walked as fast as I could and finally caught up with him as he was getting into his car that was parked up front outside. He looked like he couldn’t get out of there fast enough! I don’t know, but I bet that sermon lit him on fire from the inside out.

I thought that would be it. I went back to my real life where fine dudes with Biblical names aren’t usually asking me to travel the world with them.

But then one day I was a few blocks away from the workplace and Mr. Slick and Smooth Solomon rolled up on me. In his black and clean Land Rover no less. Looking of course right out of a magazine ad again. And his first words? Something like, “Why are you leaving me crying for you?”

Oh my God. All I could do was laugh! It was so outrageous. This time I couldn’t let my hopes get up again; I wouldn’t. So I tried to shut him down ASAP.

But this time he even offered to pick me up from my house every day for work. And drop me off back at home so I wouldn’t have to take the bus anymore.

My poor ego. All these years. All these people. I’m sitting at the bus stop every day. Having to eat it as people look down on me over and over and over. As the rain soaks me. As the sun beats down on me. As the cold just rips into me. And this gorgeous man is offering to pick me up in his super fly blacked out Land Rover every day. I admit it took everything in me, but I turned him down.

And that was the end of that. Except I always tell people my theory is that he was just trying to steal me away to drug me and take one of my kidneys. 😂

But I was still holding out hope for Mr. December 19th.