Sarah Nyhan

After my employer went out of business, I thought that I clearly felt God was encouraging me to just give Trinity two weeks – just write for two weeks. Don’t look for jobs, don’t worry about money. Just write.

Well, I started but then all the doubts came in.

It didn’t make sense.

Because I wasn’t raised that way – just to sit and write with no income coming in. With bills and debts to pay. Because it’s up to me, correct?

And so the cycle began. For three and a half years. One foot in, one foot out. A divided house.

I’d feverishly apply for jobs. Hundreds of them. I’d get offered these seemingly fantastic opportunities. Over and over.  But then I’d show up to do the work and everything would go to hell. It was like no matter how hard I tried, the door would always close in my face every time.

It didn’t make sense.

Every time I’d try to let go of the writing idea, it would come back stronger than before. It’s not that I didn’t want to write. I absolutely wanted to write. I just didn’t trust God. It seemed too good to be true that He could want me to write as badly as I wanted to write.

So much more to say, but long story short, I was constantly running from my fears. Until I found myself, yet again, cornered. All the fears I was running from were staring me right in the face.

So, I gave up. I finally gave up.

Because I was so tired.

I wasn’t sure writing was the right thing to do, but it was the only thing I hadn’t fully tried.

“A book, Lord?” When I have mountains of bills and debt?

It didn’t make sense. But I finally sat down to finish it.

For one person. The person I originally had in mind – the person I most wanted to share all these things with. From the beginning. A person who hadn’t initiated conversation with me in over four years.

It didn’t make sense!

I have no guarantees for a specific outcome. I am committing myself to His character. Surrendering. Giving into the mystery. Letting go.