I’ve been in a funk for a long while. Trying to figure out why. Finally stopped numbing out for long enough today to look a little deeper and face some things. Realized my little never give up balloon was almost deflated.

Lots of deep disappointments this year. That’s the sanitized way to say it. Lots of questions. Lots of changes. Kinda knocked the wind out of my sails.

And yet the problem isn’t really the pains. I’m no stranger to heartache. The real issue is just like the verse says: “Hope deferred makes the heart sick…”

I was thinking of Joseph. Having this dream. So sure it was from God. So excited to share with those closest to him. Just to be sacked and rejected. Hated. Betrayed.

But my boy, Joseph. He didn’t give up. He worked hard. He gave all. Everything. He worked his way to the top. Tried to honor and respect everyone. And some selfish woman took advantage of his kindness. With no mercy. And the people who should have known better turned their backs on him.

But my man, Joseph. He still doesn’t give up. He decides to make the best of it again. Works his way up through integrity and hard work. Caring for others. Again, his people leave him behind.

I wondered. How was Joseph feeling during those last days in prison? Did he question his sanity? Did he question God? Was he ready to throw in the towel on the dream he thought he was given? Was he trying to figure out what went wrong?

He was in prison. The farthest distance away from the promise he had been given. How many of us have been there? How crazy does it feel to hold onto a hope that looks ridiculously impossible?

But I just can’t give up on my God. The second half of that verse: “…but when the desire comes, it is a tree of life.” Joseph was promoted out of the pit to the palace in one day. He went from absolutely nothing to everything in one day.

Not all of us are going to be a Joseph. But maybe all of us will have Joseph-like dreams and Joseph-like experiences of our own.

I think of all the babies that I know that have been born to people who tried unsuccessfully for years to conceive. I think of the marriages that have been restored after appearing completely decimated. I think of all the beautiful amazing wonderful people God has let me cross paths with. I think of all the provision. All the blessings. All the protection. All the times when doors opened beyond my ability.

That doesn’t make the hurts any less painful. But it helps put another foot forward. And another. And another.

At the end of the day I find myself completely dependent on God. Finally giving up on my own strength. In fits and starts. More and more moments of resting in Him. When I stop numbing long enough to bring Him my anxieties.

He doesn’t ask me for anything. He just keeps reminding me of His goodness. šŸ’ž

“Tripped on my stepping stone; got up and kept on going…”

Prayer: I want to be content, but I don’t want to stop and settle for camping just outside the Promised Land. Please help me go all the way in. Thank You for Your love!

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