Sarah Nyhan

I can’t go back into the us-versus-them mentality if I’m going to roll with this new way of thinking. Which challenges me on so many levels. A whole new arena to explore. Slowly. My poor brain and heart are trying to catch up.

I am testing the waters a bit. I was so scared before because I couldn’t understand how people could be so great and then do such evil. Now I think I get it. There are no “safe” (i.e. only good) people. Some definitely more trustworthy. But no absolutes in terms of categories I can put people in.

I think I’ve been trying to understand that for a very long time. Just now clicking.

I feel the anxiety rising in my chest. It is terrifying for me. But God has been helping me see that I can be with people. I am stronger now. The trick is not to depend on other people to set healthy boundaries. I think I mostly did that before. I didn’t really have my own boundaries.

I need others and they need me. Not in a codependent way. So I am not trying to change anyone. Just trusting God to bring me in to participate in conversations with people where I can share what I’ve learned.

I think I was in a season where I needed to go and lick my wounds per se, but now I’m back “in the game”. There was no life on my little hermit island of “safety” and “perfection”.

How and when do I stand for truth? That is the tricky part. But trusting God to lead.