Sarah Nyhan

I was falling asleep in Arkansas and put the Bruce Wauchope lectures on to keep me awake. Listened to lectures one through seven all the way back to San Antonio.

Bruce appeals to my analytical inner lawyer: 100% speaking my language. I like how he broke it down step by step. I think I’ll have to listen a few more times.

I was stuck in hundreds of miles of rain, delayed by interstate lane closures for construction three times, and a lady rear ended me without putting on her brakes at all and pushed my car several feet. Her car was not able to drive. I’m sore but thank God I could still drive. That delayed me another hour and I didn’t get back from Mississippi until 1am.

Frustrating.

Who do you think was there whispering in my ear? “See, this is what you get. You shouldn’t have gone to the conference. You should have listened to your friend. Etc. Etc. Etc.”

I had a few weak miles and cried tears of exhaustion and frustration. But then I was like, “NO! I’m not going to take that bait and swirl into thinking God is punishing me or is mad at me or is abandoning me.”

At the same time praying, “Father, I can’t do this! I’m so tired. I need You to lift me up on wings of eagles. I give up on my own strength!!”

I keep telling myself, “He didn’t bring me this far to leave me in the desert.” But He seems to be interested in just giving me enough manna for each moment. Literally.

I was so frustrated with the car, but I just refocused with His help. I told myself there is nothing I could do except keep driving back to my place, enjoy the Bruce lectures, and thank God the accident wasn’t worse. No sense in living in the future.

All to say I feel like a piñata that’s been beaten to the point of almost being split open. So much has happened this past year that I can’t even keep track of it all. The enemy has his stupid mouth in my ear relentlessly trying to get me to give up and decide that God isn’t good and doesn’t love me. But our God is bigger and the victory is already won!