Sarah Nyhan

My first name is Sarah. It is a Hebrew name meaning princess. My middle name is Louise. It is a French name meaning famous warrior, renowned fighter. My last name is Nyhan. It is an Irish name meaning warrior. I read an article about women being abducted and sold for sex. How twisted is it that part of me thinks I have no value because no one is trying to abduct me. I hate that I’ve been groomed by family and society to believe my highest and best value is my use as a sex object. I really hate that but it’s like it is ingrained in me in the deepest parts. I hate that my biological father would call me his girlfriend and make me call him my boyfriend. That makes me sick and feel dirty and ashamed. I wish he had healthy boundaries and was a real dad and being his daughter was enough. I hate that he polluted me in that way. I get angry at God for not saving me from all of him. But there is a lot more to the story. People say that ends don’t justify the means. There is so much to think about. I wish I knew and understood for myself and others. I confess I shouldn’t have read that article, Father. I pray for your forgiveness, will, mercy, and wisdom. I need mercy as much as anyone.