Sarah Nyhan

I am so sick. I am so tired. I need to do something drastic. I am irritated by my neighbor or whoever is blasting their bass. My feet are so cold. I have the air conditioner on 78. I could sleep right now. Maybe I should because I’m having a difficult time thinking. I need to do stuff. I don’t feel like doing anything. This is so bad. People twenty years older than me have more energy than me. What do I want to do? I want to completely detox. I’m going to have to get hardcore and pray for self-control. I have to be strong. I have to make a plan and stick with it. What will it be, Father? I don’t think it is a good idea to lose weight quickly. Maybe the first thing I can do is not eat. I don’t know. Father, I pray for help in how to precede. I am so exhausted. Maybe I can cut out one food a week. An add one food a week. I think if I straight water-fast that I’d clear this blockage in my heart pretty quickly. That’s hardcore. I feel like my health is that bad right now. Maybe I can do the period… but I know I can’t work and fast. Maybe I can somehow plan it where I wait until I can take a week off. And then pad the week with weekends and maybe even crash 40 hours into 3.5 days before and after. Almost 13 to 14 days of fasting. And I could literally stay in bed, stock up on water, Pedialyte, and toilet paper. And I could even do data entry the last two days before I stopped working so I can fast more from home. But until then I need to detoxify in a bad way. But I’m basically an addict so I think I cannot misunderestimate the emotional and psychological aspects and the physical addictions. I think I need to substitute something for whatever I’m taking away. I didn’t go to gay clubs when I was trying to stop the habit of being with women. Same applies here. I think I need to get rid of food porn. I need to declutter my brain and my life. I have way too much going on. My life is such a mess. I’ve been trying to fix everybody else. Now it is time to fix me. I’m so tired. Why am I so tired? OK, maybe cut out cheese and add a cup of lemon water every morning. Just two changes this week. So I need to go to the store and get lemons and water – bottled water. And five lemons. Maybe I can make the lemon juice ahead of time. Like a juice it and pour into the bottled water and freeze it. Just two things. No cheese and lemon water in the morning. And make a chart where I can check off my progress. Then Sunday take away something else and add something else. Maybe they should be related though? Like take away sugary chemical drinks and replace with lemon water? I think the goal for me will be low fat raw vegan until I can lose this fat my body is hanging onto. What can I do now? Go to store. By water bottles and five lemons. And some sushi ‘cause I’m hungry. Maybe a cup of Pedialyte everyday also? And then laundry and read my religions book and pick a meal for Thursday and write my Proverbs 3 study.