Sarah Nyhan

What if it had nothing to do with you being a preacher?

What if making money was never the problem?

What if this was all just so that you could learn to actually Love your wife? Instead of just seeing her as a tool? 

And while we’re at it, everyone else.

What if you could have that old lifestyle back as soon as you choose? The enjoyable parts. That it has actually been completely up to you this whole time. 

That the only thing holding you back is how you see and treat your wife? Others. And yourself. 

And while we’re at it, your Father.

That it all stems from how you were treated. By those that could have done a lot better.

That there is no need to stand at a pulpit hour after hour after hour. Week after week. Year after year. 

That you could actually be enjoying yourself. Your retirement years.

Are you even able to tolerate the feeling of being in a relationship where you don’t have any power over someone else? 

Are you even able to tolerate the feeling of being in a relationship where there is no expectation that the other person is there to serve you in any capacity?

You wouldn’t have to go to anymore funerals. No more weddings. 

You could actually get up every morning and do whatever you want. For however long you want.

Without holding anyone hostage. 
Without having to manipulate every situation.

Let go. Let God.

You don’t preach a Loving Father because you won’t let yourself experience One. 

I know. I get it 100%. This is not me daring to foolishly speak because I haven’t Lived it. And am not still in it.

For some it takes exhaustion. And even losing everything. 

You are so lucky. You have squeezed by so long. But it’s all hanging in a precarious balance. You know as well as anyone that you’d be completely lost and everything would fall apart if the people tolerating you walked away. 

Trust me, bro. Sometimes God lets it happen. Absolutely nothing will be spared for our healing. Not even the most sacred. To us at least.

I’m that Ezekiel. That’s my foolishness. But I gotta get it out or I feel sick.

Or maybe not. Maybe for me also. First judged for how I treated others. Then this long and painful spiritual surgical operation to fix how I treat myself. 

Maybe I don’t have to speak words either. Maybe my desert rounds will end when I learn to shut up and focus on treating myself better. Actually trying. Actually getting invested again. 

Actually not giving up. When the temptation is so great to stop participating.

Which God do we actually serve? Did the best part already pass us by? I refuse to believe that’s how God works.

You want to end better than you started? Me too. But I don’t think it’s gonna happen without asking the hard questions. Without doing the work.

Crowns at His feet. For we know we’ve been “dragged”, so to speak, more than we ran to catch up. While at the same time acknowledging that God actually won’t do it without our consent. Which is why it has taken this long.

If it’s not the end then that means there’s still better to be had. Will you give up? Or do the work?

Number one: it’s relationship. Not religion.