Is my relationship with God? Or is my trust in the incorporated church? Is it me who has God? Or is it God who has me?
If anything depends on me then I have no hope. I need God to make up the difference. Trinity reached out to me as I raised my fist and turned my back in angry sadness and frustration. Will They not meet me now? Will They not meet me whenever and wherever I am?
Is God so impotent that He cannot open any door? Will we not trust Him in this time?
Is Jesus only present in a typical physical church building? Or could we be where He already resides? Christ in us. Revealing what already is; what we have been blind to despite countless hours of staring at the invitation. Jesus said it is finished.
Why might He have us in this space at this time? What good, what healing could be at work right now? I have spent an inordinate amount of time pleading for things to go back to what feels most familiar to me. What if God wants to take me somewhere new?
He is not a God of 2,000 years ago. He is a God for today. For this moment.
How many times did God reach out to individuals through means other than reading a book? How many times did God speak to people outside of the traditional temple? Is God not able to speak to you right now? Is this a relationship as we say it is? Or just a religious performance? What spells do I have to cast today in order to speak to my Father? Does He really require such blasphemous incantations? What hurdles do you require your children to jump through before they can speak with you? Even in our brokenness we do not do the things to our children that we accuse God of doing to His children.
Could God be all that our hearts dream love to be? And more? He does not only have patience; He defines patience. He does not only have love; He is love defined. Will He not give us all that we need?
Maybe we are not asking the right questions. Maybe our ideas of God are too small. Maybe we need to pivot. Maybe we need to start by asking God what questions we should be asking. Will He refuse us? Is He and His wisdom not given freely to all who ask?
I need to leave room for new beginnings. I need to make more space for uncertainty and God to show off in ways that I am not capable of imagining. I need to be held. I need to receive and rest.
We are welcome.
Maybe the whole world is being given a big collective breath.
The Message Bible translates Isaiah 30:15-17 as:
“God, the Master, The Holy of Israel, has this solemn counsel: ‘Your salvation requires you to turn back to me and stop your silly efforts to save yourselves. Your strength will come from settling down in complete dependence on me— The very thing you’ve been unwilling to do.”