I Want

I was listening to a really good talk by John MacMurray the other day. He mentioned that God isn’t trying to muscle His weight around to get us to submit to Him in the sense that most likely comes to mind. Rather He works, and maybe I should say loves us to the point where WE want what He knows is best for us.

How different is the wrath of God in that context? It is wrath only in the passionate sense of never giving up on us. No matter what the cost. Only for our highest good. Not for His ego.

He doesn’t need ego. He is secure. He knows who He is. He is complete without us. Actually, the Trinity exists in perfect union. Always about relationship. As I believe Baxter Kruger says, others-centered self-giving love.

Remember how God walked daily with Adam and Eve in the garden? That is communion. Let’s even leave out the religious language: that is hanging out. Wanting to be with us. Having love to give and share.

He is not interested or satisfied with an army of robot minions. It never was that way. From the beginning. This isn’t about law. We are the ones who care so much about law. God is about relationship. Always has. Always will be.

He doesn’t want you to say and do all the “right” things. He is constantly showing you who He is so you will trust Him. For your highest good. And of course, His enjoyment. In the sense of wanting to spend time with you. It’s been that way since the beginning.

For God so loved the world. Will you ask Him for healing today? Maybe ask Him to help you see Him today. And also how He sees you.


Sometimes the storms of life may not take us out physically, but they can beat up our morale. Fatigue sets in. To borrow from the storyteller in the video below: resting becomes difficult because you can’t stay stationary.

Interesting as I recall the story of Jesus sleeping on the boat during a storm. His closest followers with Him were freaking out. He awoke and calmed not only the waves but also the fear in their hearts.

We are not guaranteed safe physical passage through this life. But I rest more so in the spiritual as I stay close to my Navigator. His perfect love casts out fear.


I don’t believe the heart of The God I’ve experienced is to shame seekers. Guilting them into relationship with Him. Maybe that is the heart of men posturing the authority of God for personal gain, whether material or immaterial. But that isn’t my beautiful Jesus. That isn’t The God I experience day to day.

Guilting, shaming, and striking fear in the hearts of seekers alienates them from corporate church gatherings. I can’t stand it. I don’t believe my God keeps score like that.

The Truth sets us free. I believe ALL were born again when we killed Jesus and He conquered death for us and was resurrected. I believe ALL will ascend just as He ascended.

The details of how all of that works? The likelihood is slim that I will ever fully understand in this lifetime. However, God could surprise me; He specializes in what seems impossible to us. But I have heard enough to feel convinced myself.

And so I share the hope that I believe has been given to me. Trusting all the rest to Holy Spirit. I think God is that big and that good. That I don’t have to shame or harass or guilt people into making a profession of faith out of a sense of obligation.

Maybe the insecure demand forced professions of faith motivated by fear or guilt. But I wager that kind of profession breaks the heart of God and His passion is aroused against the words being spoken by those that reduce His great love down so much.

What person really wants someone to profess love out of fear versus natural affections? Maybe those with an ego problem. But that is NOT our God!!! He specifically came down to earth and allowed us to treat Him in such a way as to prove the exact opposite; to prove how much He loves us.

Perfect love casts out fear.

I hear so much pain in the words of those that find it so outrageous to believe that God could be even bigger and better than they ever imagined. I hear people who are tired and angry. Very tired and very angry. Caged birds. Hope deferred. Longing to sing.

So I pray. I give my heartache for those I love to God. And I pray. I want freedom for them. For us all. I want us all to really understand God’s love and rest like children. Loved children. Not slaves. That is my heart cry.

What Do You Know?

I’m the person who is mildly annoyed with having so many options to choose from in the toilet paper aisle at the grocery store. 😄 So it’s a bit unsettling to have so many options available when attempting to plan my life for 2018 without knowing where I will be working. First world problems; blessed to have them. But, problems nonetheless.
Some know how I used to rely so much on “signs” and trying to muster up “great faith” as ways to feel some measure of control over the future. After learning the hard way over and over, I think I’m finally leaving the miracles up to God’s discretion. And quit thinking I can foretell the future. How many times has He shown me His ways and thoughts are higher than mine? Thankfully.
There’s a tricky balance because I still believe He can do anything. And I still believe there are desires in our hearts that might be seeds of something greater. But I’m leaving behind what I now call the witchcraft. Just going to make practical decisions based on wisdom. Do my best and trust God with the rest. Living loved, but not lazy or crazy.
Probably a lot of people don’t agree with me. Especially those that are religious. I myself have run the whole gamut from name-it-and-claim-it to feeeeeeling like I’ve been “called” to do such-and-such or feeeeeeeling like I know what God is saying. Not so sure anymore. When I’m passionate about something, I throw my whole self into it. So I think I’ve sufficiently humiliated (and hopefully humbled) myself enough trying to go down that path over and over in the past to have learned a few things.
Haven’t lost my belief in God at all. Just putting extremely little faith in my ability to discern what He is thinking or doing beyond what He’s already told and shown us. Approaching God and life more like a child now. Doing my best to stumble along in limited understanding. Trusting that is somehow enough because I’m His kid and He loves me. Long before I knew or loved Him.
That being said, I’m ok with being corrected if I’m wrong. Enjoying newfound freedom from the taskmaster of perfectionism. For once in my life. Failure is not the end of me. Failure is not an indication of my value. Failure is at least an indication that I had the courage to live, to put myself out there. Failure is hopefully a growing opportunity. Learn from it, recalibrate, try again, and never give up.