Just Because

Finding silence is ok. I wait for you, Lord. All I need to know is I am with You and You are near. Like a very small child. Hold me and everything will be better. He does. All the time. I learn to listen. Circumstances put me in a place where I learn to listen. Where I can hear. Where life slows down to a crawl and quiets down to where it seems like I am aware of every breath. And He is good. It is my understanding that is incomplete. One day. As we are known. Until then… cleave. Unhindered by all that tells you it is unbecoming. And be embraced.

Relief

Sometimes it feels like the rain won’t ever end. Like the new day won’t ever begin. The journey seems so long. So far. But the sun rises every day whether we see it or not. Same with God. Even when we can’t see Him, it doesn’t mean He can’t see us. That we are not still safe in His heart. God, You are my safe harbor.

Five Percent

Being given a promise is in many ways similar to being with child. There is excitement at the beginning. Planning how to celebrate after the promise has been fulfilled. Other people are initially eager to discuss your hopes. It all feels so grand.

And then everything settles down and the work of waiting begins. Every day you check to see how much closer you are. Eventually the days blur and the excitement of the revelation of the promise fades. All you can see is the burden and the weight of carrying desire. Heavy, heavy. None around you can do the heavy lifting for you. This is yours alone even if they have been through similar times.

You alone sit with this promise growing and growing inside of you. It feels like you are a shadow of what you once were. It feels like this thing you think you have created has overtaken everything you were and ever will be.

Where am I? Who am I? Do I even want this anymore?

All you want is to be done with the waiting. Get on with life already.

There is a saying that goes something like: it takes proportionally significantly more effort to get from 90% to 95% than it does to get from 0% to 90%. And then even further, it takes proportionally significantly more effort to get from 95% to 100% than it does to get from 90% to 95%.

That’s what this picture represents to me. The photo was taken in Idaho. Such a small distance between the two sides, but look at the depth and the work it took to make a way from one to the other. How much longer did it take to build the bridge that spans relatively a few small feet compared to the time it took to pave the road that led to this crossing?

This bridge is a monument to blood, sweat, and tears. And yet, the visitors who flock to gaze upon this accomplishment are probably correctly focused on the beauty. For years and years and years.

And yet you can’t do it for anyone else. This is your baby. You know you have to do it even if nobody else comes along for the ride. You have to see this through. Even if all you feel is pain. All you see is work.

Our promise will be worth it. #nevergiveup

And yet there are no guarantees. That’s why most tap out or never even try. At least you will be able to look yourself in the mirror and respect the effort. Your heart.

Why not? One life. Not a final exam. What will matter most once you are facing your last moments? Less regrets.

At least I tried.

Hopeful.