I am posting a lot of my writings. They are in no particular order for now. Most of this is very old and from a long time ago.

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Was it days or weeks later when I “woke up” in the counselor’s office after my fourth suicide attempt?

An adult female was there with me as we sat in the waiting room.

I didn’t really want to be there. Because I thought the adult female would ruin everything. That the counselor would believe her. And then I’d be in an even worse situation.

The adult female and I eventually went in to talk with the counselor. I don’t remember anything about that time other than the counselor seemed really nice.

But I watched the counselor from inside myself. I remember trying not to say anything at all. Definitely not talking about my feelings. Especially in front of the adult female. I wanted the counselor to know I wasn’t a little wimpy girl. I was trying so hard to be strong. Not weak.

The adult female and I left that first meeting with the counselor. I can’t remember if the adult female ever went with me to speak with the counselor again.

All I remember is that at some point I started seeing the counselor just by myself.

And I felt like I was being punished by the adult female by being made to walk the 10+ blocks back to the house after each session with the counselor. Not that I expected anything more. But the message seemed pretty clear: there will be consequences for talking to the counselor. For not shutting up like everyone else.

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Music I’m listening to, discovered, or rediscovered.

1. Gramatik – Just Jammin’
2. Kizz Daniel – 4DAYZ
3. Masego – Favorite Tings
4. Masego – Navajo
5. Masego – Prone
6. Masego ft. Tiffany Gouché – Queen Tings
7. Masego, Shenseea – Silver Tongue Devil
8. Masego – Yebo/Sema
9. Stromae – Mauvaise journée
10. Stromae – Pas vraiment