After about 20+ years of working through a lot, I finally have a definition of forgiveness that works for me: I see forgiveness as finally hoping they heal – but that doesn’t at all ever require me being involved in their healing process. I can 100% let go and trust them into God’s hands.

Forgiveness and reconciliation are two very different things.

Forgiveness doesn’t even require me ever communicating with them.

Reconciliation totally depends on them! If they haven’t already gone too far. Past the point of destroying trust so much that it is never safe to interact with them again

And can never be demanded. If they try then it is proof that they probably still don’t know or care how about the myriad effects of THEIR choices.

They forced us to take measures to protect ourselves. That we probably never wanted to do except for their behavior.

As a very intelligent psychologist once told me: you don’t have to stand in front of the gun if it is still loaded and they are still aiming and firing at you.