I’m constantly amazed at the lengths people will go.

Today I was thinking about people who refuse to admit what they have done. In the face even of clear evidence.

They sacrifice real life and real relationships for the fake life their ego insists on. It’s really lazy. They could have what they are pretending to be if they’d just redirect all that energy towards the real work. But they refuse.

And they are blind to the fact that those who matter see right through them. They aren’t really fooling anyone. Actually not even those that participate with them in their foolishness. The people they are so desperate to impress. The same ones who barely tolerate them. When others are so ready to celebrate them if only they’d choose health and life.

That’s exactly why people hate me and reject me. Because I won’t play along. I worked way too damn hard for what health I have. Way too hard to live a lie. When I eventually see it. Nothing in me will let me just be fake and act to play a part. Even if I love the person more than anyone.

And I’ve been tested in this over and over. Sadly. I don’t just talk shit. I’ve paid for every word I say here. Dearly. Heart-wrenching. And once you’ve done that, there is no going back. To do so would be an absolute insult to every blood, sweat, and tear you’ve endured in this fight of a life.

And people HATE that about me. I actually don’t even have to say anything. My actions convict them. They hate looking at the mirror I can be. Even if I don’t want to be that. It would be easier not to. But I have no choice in the matter. It’s either really LIVE my life or shut down completely and numb/distract out like they do. An empty flesh suit. A caricature of a human.

I refuse to participate in helping you kill yourself that way. And people HATE me for that. Honestly to the most extent. I don’t like to give anyone ideas, but the cost of being true is… well, we have Jesus as our ultimate example.

Why so serious, Sarah? I think that’s the problem. With this generation that is alive right now. No, they haven’t had it easy, per se. But they have definitely been coddled in some significant ways.

We refuse to hold each other accountable. We tolerate so much nonsense. Why?

I think the difference in me is that I have had to fight, REALLY fight, for EVERY LITTLE LAST good thing in me and my life.

I did flirt with the dark side when I was younger. And the only reason I didn’t take a deeper dive in was maybe (1) I am intelligent enough to know I wouldn’t be able to live the life I REALLY want if I did so; not that I am incapable of going there – Lord knows I had some of the best worst examples. But also (2) I thank God that They showed off for me while I was still young. Undeniably. Maybe the juxtaposition assisted in that: it didn’t take much for me to see the difference. To see what was really possible. When people open their hearts. And choose differently.

So I was never able to afford taking things lightly. Maybe you had and have that luxury. But I didn’t. I never was able to take much of anything for granted. That’s why I am so serious.

And so I have hope for this new normal we are already steeped in. Y’all can keep acting like it’s not happening. Hoping for some magical deliverance. But if my life is any example, that’s not going to happen.

Or rather it could if we all took individual responsibility. But the likelihood of that happening without some painful encouragement is slim to none if my experience with most is any measure of probable performance. People just won’t. Until the pain of not doing so isn’t worth it anymore.

And unfortunately our culture rewards that shit right now. They don’t even have to find anywhere to hide. Their disrespect of themselves and others will even gain them admiration. On the surface. As long as this jig has steam left.

But I feel a massive shift coming. A time where those who have been all this time enduring the rejection of the masses for doing the work might at least internally finally feel validated. As their detractors one by one hit the ground like dominos.

Never for punishment mind you; this is about healing. But sometimes we insist on doing forty years circling the desert. Sometimes that’s what it takes to break us out of the echo chamber we have always known.

You don’t think those who have a vested interest in keeping you compliant so they don’t have to face their own shit will go to the ends of their means? They were okay with the entire world seeing person after person leap from an office building in 2001. I sat at my desk and watched that shit live on television.

None of us were ever the same since. Some are able to admit it.

The shit has already hit the fan a long time back. You’re just so used to sitting in mounds of it that the gravity of the situation probably hasn’t dramatically impacted your day to day existence. But it might eventually. Whatever we insist on. However long we want to take to wake up.

And as you’re forced to work, to really work, for whatever you can get. For every little bit. Then you’ll value what you have. Then you’ll finally not have enough time, energy, etc. for foolishness. Then you’ll be forced to hold yourself accountable. If you want anything good to happen. And then you’ll naturally start holding others accountable. And then just maybe a shift for the better will happen culturally.

Do I hate that it’s going to take a metaphorical whooping to get us there? Yep, all the way. But it is what it is. And if that’s the only way.

I’m taking note though. More and more minding my business. Like, if class is in session then let me get this shit over with. I want what is on the other side. The reward for graduating. For leveling up. For embracing the process. If we’re going to go there anyway.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s