Was thinking today that people with narcissist tendencies probably gaslit us into thinking that taking care of ourselves and having boundaries is incorrectly akin to being selfish.

On top of that, I think the religious people I was raised around then pushed that to the extreme. With phrases like “deny yourself” and “be a servant”. I’m sure a full study is warranted to probably most likely get a different perspective on their supporting verses now that my vision has been refreshed as it pertains to what I have experienced and currently believe.

But in any event, is it any wonder that people fail to thrive when operating under all of that? When they hear sometimes daily that they are basically a piece of shit. That’s what I was taught. A wretch. We even sang songs about it. And I was supposed to thank that god for not killing me.

And then somehow go out into the world and be successful with all of that hanging over us? And also love people?

Well that’s exactly why these tricks are preached. Because if you think the way to get acceptance is to work really hard to prove yourself to those drawing the line to measure you by, then that can be incredibly convenient for those that might have a huge conflict of interest in advising you in that regard.

What if loving others could instead be easy because it flowed from excess? From all your fears being washed away as you learned how much God Loves you, first. And then learned how to love yourself. Really like yourself. So that you didn’t need to manipulate or perform in order to obtain anyone else’s approval.

What if you were your own best friend apart from God? What if you knew you could count on yourself to never let you down? What if you took the kind of care towards yourself that you have wished maybe your whole life that someone would show you?

And I am talking to myself here. But if the shoe fits…

What if doing that was NOT narcissistic. But the bare minimum. And we were lied to. All this time.

I remember one time I realized that a preacher was telling me to do things he wasn’t even doing. A lot along the “servant”/”slave” lines. It’s one thing if the person you’re listening to is actually doing the thing they are asking you to do. But have you ever taken the time to really see them as just their actions reveal apart from their words?

Or is the hit of their unpredictable moments of approval and acceptance enough? Is it really everything you’re looking for? Far be it from me to discourage you if so. Have at it then. My words are for those this resonates with.

But fair warning, the journey through is a rebirth. A total transformation. Discarding layers and layers of lies. Picture those houses of hoarders. How they come in with shovels and fill dumpster after dumpster with petrified junk. That’s what your heart, mind, and spirit are up for if decide you’ve had enough of settling for so much less than you really desire.

What if Love is still out there? Waiting on you? To want it bad enough.

What if learning to value yourself is the first step in that direction?