How do I navigate this new world? By my knowledge? By my intelligence? By my experience? By my resources? By what other strength?
How well have those things works for me in the past?
How many years will I keep trying to march back across this desert towards what seemed like self-sufficiency? How long will I return to the vomit of the deceiving security I knew in the hard work of Egypt?
Sure, it was rough and there were bad times, but I seemed to have friends and family there. I seemed to have community.
Do we sit in church on Sunday and sing songs to a God whose last thought for us was only when people say He bailed us out of an eternal BBQ pit 2,000 years ago?
Is this Father so impotent that His chief concern is advancing some global agenda at the expense of our hearts? In spite of our concerns?
Will I worship fear? Will I give fear more power than God?
It’s hard to imagine what I have never experienced.
Do dreams come true only for the youth?
Are all our fine words, all our praise simply empty hope?
Does our God still move? Does He still care? Is Holy Spirit not always in the process of healing our hearts? Not for God’s ego, but so that we will not miss out on all that we have been Created to enjoy and experience during this human experience.
Will I limit God? Will I define the boundaries of His power? Will I insist on taking control?
And even if I scramble to keep myself afloat in my own ways, will He ever give up on me? Is this a Father who leaves me to myself? Who waits for me to find my way back to Him?
Is this a Father who only provides the bare minimum out of a sense of duty?
Is this a Father who is only reactive? Who is off solving other people’s problems until I am good enough? Until I have stolen a moment of His attention?
Will this God pick us up off the floor or are we abandoned, neglected children expected to bear and navigate the unknown all on our own?
Can Holy Spirit not give us insight and wisdom beyond our awareness?
What if it is simply a matter of turning off the noise and having a conversation?
What if we are not a bother to God?
What if we always have God’s attention?
What if we are a joy even in our mess?
What if we are already safe and already included?
What if we are mostly ignorant to all that is already ours to enjoy?
I am a child who is wanted.
I am a child who is very loved.