Complete Silence

One of the craziest jobs I ever had. I was looking for some part time work.

This was a few months after we stopped hanging out. Right before I moved to Washington.

I went on I think Nextdoor. And a lady was looking for some office help. So I applied and she gave me the gig.

I show up to her office and she has me sit down next to her at her desk. And then she pulled out a document and started highlighting sections of text on the top page. Then she flipped the page and continued doing the same thing through the rest of the document.

Silently. Complete silence. With me sitting right beside her. Like not even a foot away.

No words.

I’m like, “What in the world?!” But I was taught well to be a good girl; put up and shut up. So I just sat there right next to her like a statue as she kept reading and highlighting.

And remember, this is our first in person interaction. I had just walked through the door.

So after about ten minutes of this, I just start staring out the window instead of paying attention to her. And I’m asking God like, “What on earth, Lord?! Why can’t I have a normal life? What in the hell is this? What is going on? What am I supposed to do?”

At some point, probably with great enjoyment, she stopped highlighting, raised her head, turned towards me, and said something like, “I bet you’re wondering why I brought you here?”

I said yes. Then she proceeded to tell me that she needed to work but she kept getting distracted. So she hired me to literally sit there next to her as she worked. So that she would focus and finish the work. That was my only job. Just to sit there!

God has jokes. See, I was very much in my own strength. Trying to embrace “reality” and proceed “logically”. And God was trying to make a point. As only He knows how to make. How could I even get mad?!

The message I got was: REST. I didn’t fully learn it then. No, that was just the beginning. It’s been almost five years now of the same lesson over and over and over. Sometimes easy like that. Other times, when I insisted otherwise, incredibly more painful.

Eventually I asked the lady if I could get up to use the restroom. And that’s where I saw this sign. A literal sign. 😁 But it seemed to also speak to the desires of my heart.

God only knows. These things are too big for me.

“You will not need to fight in this battle. Position yourselves, stand still and see the salvation of the Lord, who is with you…”

The other picture is a doodle I made around that time. Just like a mandala of sorts. Echoes the verse that has been key to me throughout this whole journey:

“'”In returning and rest you shall be saved; in quietness and confidence shall be your strength.’ But you would not,…”

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