I think I figured it out: unanswered questions don’t go away. And neither does our healing.

Sooo, I think at least one angle is that I needed the practice with those younger dudes coming at me. Safe(r) because I had zero interest.

Kinda like working out at the gym. As I get stronger and healthier in all areas of life. As I ask for help in getting more physically fit.

The non-physical part is a big factor. So many foul things done to me by males over the years. This weight for the longest has been definitely my main and sometimes my only protection.

But I’m ready to let it go. Finally. I want myself and my body back primarily for me.

So this was a big part of that. Learning how to say no and how to defend myself. Proving mostly to myself that I can do both.

My brother and I had a four hour conversation. Discussing. Throwing around some things I could do and say.

And then the 37 year old came back at me. And I handled the business myself this time. With what I thought was still my grace that I’d like to keep as much as possible.

Even if nobody else thinks so, I am proud of myself. And like how I closed down the conversation. Which actually, surprisingly (to me), worked. Yay!

Maybe, hopefully that chapter can be closed and over. Today was hopeful in that regard. Met a man earlier today who didn’t come at me aggressive. We had a great conversation about health and fitness. He gave me some good ideas. All respect. And without even knowing me he said, “Never give up!”