I am reading A More Christlike Word by Brad Jersak as part of a study group I am attending. I am going to be sharing some of my reflections as I read the book. Here is my twelfth reflection:

As much as I absolutely hate to admit it because it leaves me with no control, I’ve had to come to the place where I admit that Spirit alone reveals truth. Even if it is through me or another. It is still Spirit who opens the eyes, ears, and heart. And in due time. Not before. As their next journey in healing takes place. I want to rush it so that I feel more comfortable. Less alone. Able to celebrate and have community. So it wouldn’t be so difficult to love these that seem to have no filter on their persecution. Albeit, mild in comparison to some. But heart-breaking, disappointing, and frustrating still the same.

This again puts me squarely, firmly back in the space of minding my own business. Focusing on my own healing journey. And living, actually living real life. Not at all what I was taught to do all these years I was seated in the congregation. It was so much easier then to just live in my head. But no, this new-to-me life is boots on the ground all the way. More about doing than thinking. And I hate that sometimes.

At least as long as I don’t see any change in those I love. Those I want so badly to come along.

But be honest. How long did it take me? To get it. Probably at least twenty years. Without badgering. How many years have I lost with those I love by being too pushy? By thinking it depends on me?