I imagine a lot of soldiers deal with this. Where you wake up one day and start to wonder, “What the hell are we fighting for?”
How do you go back? After all you’ve done. That’s why they recruit you when you’re young. Before you know any better.
What if we all refused to fight? Is that idealistic nonsense? Bullshit?
Lately I’ve been hearing people say that the negative is necessary. Basically that you can’t know the light without darkness. But is that just something we tell ourselves in an effort to not feel so overwhelmed?
Who are you fighting for? Are they on the ground with you? Are they in the front, leading the charge? Saying, “Follow me. Do what I do.”
Or are you a bullet sponge? Taking the hits they don’t want to take. Keeping them and theirs safe at the expense of you and your loved ones. Generations of fallout. For what? For simply their comfort?
Did they tell you this is the only way? Is it really though? What if all this time, money, and energy was directed at finding a less combative approach? All these people’s lives?
Or is peace truly dependent on who can become the most feared?
It is no surprise to me. A shame-based paradigm. Where perceived lack drives decision-making.
And yet, this is the day. This is my life – maybe the best use of my time. Versus “out there”.
You had an identity. You had a cause and a mission. It gave your life meaning. Emboldened you to not back down, to keep pushing.
You fought for everything and everyone except yourself.
Who is really fighting for you?
They treat you as if this is your only value. For so long that you forgot who you were without them.
Remember her? Way back when. Did she smile? Did she laugh a little lighter?
I see the pain on your face. I hear the anger in your voice.
You get to decide what you are fighting for. “Comfort”? To what extent? Are you really dependent on them or dependent on God?
I found out when all I had was God.
There is no fear in perfect love.
You get to decide. It’s as simple as deciding not to engage, not to keep playing the game. But it’s not easy. It will feel like dying. It is a death. Maybe many.
Is it worth it? You’ve been here for so long that you’ve forgotten what better feels like. But there are seven billion people in the world and you have not met them all.
This heartache and rejection is a good thing. The hatred that boils up in you is a good thing. Telling you that there is more life out there for you to grab. If you’ll let yourself.
And it’s not going to get better until you do. Because the whole Universe is conspiring FOR you. Without end. Even if you are so tired that you’ve resigned yourself to settle, the world is crying out for the real true you and is prepared to fight FOR you and your freedom the whole way.
You get out of this alive, but what if you could REALLY LIVE?! Right now.
We’re going to help you by not stopping until you have nothing left to lose.
The hard way or the easy way?
What if you can free yourself instead of just waiting out those you appear to be your captors? Could you live with that? What if the doors are already open and the chains are already broken? What if you are free even now to get up and leave?
But that’s just the beginning. You will lose everything. Except this time it will be worth it. The most painful, more heartache than you’ve even yet imagined. But, in exchange for something real.
You have to imagine it. You have to tell yourself a new story. A hundred thousand times a day. Every step of the way. THIS is the fight of and for your life. You don’t yet think you’re worth it.
But one day. When you’re able to rest. To laugh again. To sit and enjoy the ocean view without an agenda. Without guilt and fear. Without that dark cloud, or maybe wall of sadness. Maybe even with Love and the most elusive of them all: pleasure.
All of this is for you. Until you’re ready to value yourself. Then it won’t be necessary and will all go away. All the mountains of work will dissipate as if they never existed. You’ll look for the monsters and they’ll be long gone. Off to call others out of what harms them. Nothing to be feared.
Even now, even if the mere thought is too much to leave, just breathe. See what happens. If you have to, and it is perfectly okay to take all the time you need, just make one decision at a time. But their anger will quickly rise up to try to keep you in line. They have years of practice.
No need to be intimidated. those are all just helpful indicators to identify opportunities for internal healing. That’s how you embrace the pain. Ask what it is trying to show you and where it wants to take you.
Pain comes to you in the middle of the ocean. It asks you to hold on so it can bring you to real peace. But you have to be willing to let go of what has been drowning you. And dream a little, a lot bigger. Maybe not for outer space just yet. It’s okay to start with something that feels more manageable.
But just be warned, they know what’s up. They have always been watching you. They know your value, worth, and abilities more than you (for now). They bring you down and keep you close so you won’t leave them alone. How they treat you is how someone treated them. That’s how they tell their story. Of what happened.
Do you see how the cycle repeats itself? If you allow it?
I don’t want to minimize what is going to happen. There is a fairly good chance you will end up in a season of being all alone. Truly this time. But who is your God? Will Trinity not be doing something?
The patient ends up in rehab for a very long time. Is it worth it? How much Life could be waiting for you on the other side? Calling to you constantly.
The best thing you can do for them might be the thing they most fear. They might make you pay. But believe they’ll be watching. Expectantly waiting. To see if you make it. If it’s something they could ever see themselves doing too.
For this you have been called. Special operations. There are enough of the other.
This is no small thing. Maybe just the revelation and rEVOLution you’ve been longing for.