Things were overall going well today. Then I exposed myself to some people from a past life per se. A life that currently appears all but dead.
And at first there were a lot of good things. But slowly, just like before, a word here, a word there… Before I even knew it, even though I was trying to watch out, I rapidly slipped and fell down the slope.
Thankfully not very far and not for very long. Which is a miracle, really. I think it’s endurance. Trial by fire. The more I choose life, the more aware I am when death comes knocking. It’s repulsive to me now when I realize it.
This time it only took a few minutes to get through the mess. I was having such a good day and then my mind did a 180 after the exposure. It was so jarring. I didn’t want the feelings and thoughts at all. They were unfortunately too familiar. I had no desire to do yet another round in the ring with them.
So I followed my own advice from yesterday. I cried out in brutal honesty. And faster than I could get the words out, Comfort swooped in to wrap me up in assurance and perfect love! Unlike the hours, days, and weeks I can spend if I insist on spinning my own wheels.
Some of the helpful thoughts: “Start with what you know.” Well, I sometimes feel like I don’t know much else than Jesus loves me. “That’s a great place to start!” If Jesus loves me then I matter. And what I want matters. Then remembering that I don’t have to be strong enough; I can trust God to be bigger than me. Back on track.
The specifics really aren’t the point so much as sharing it as an example of yesterday’s encouragement worked out in real life. Hope in that respect. Sometimes seeing it in another can help when we’ve yet to experience it for ourselves. Me included.
But back to the beginning, a few things came to mind.
More and more I understand not being able to put this new wine in the old wineskins. It just doesn’t work.
And also even further back to the first garden. Maybe it was a real tropical paradise. But I choose to see it more as a picture for us. (Easier to remember in a culture that passed on information orally. I find more freedom in reading the stories more literarily than literally these days.)
And so I am now leaning to the garden being a picture of our mind. Maybe even our hearts. And the directive? Guard it. Take care of it. Kinda be jealous over this space given to you by God. So we’re not deceived. Only for our good – individually and collectively. (Not at all about an ego.)
Religions take this to the next level. Mostly good intentions gone too far, in my opinion. I don’t think it has to get that crazy or complicated. I think the answer is much more simple. Just like they initially did in the garden story: simply be with God. No formulas.
This is about relationship. Real relationship. The kind you crave but don’t even dare to let yourself think about after so many disappointments.
People say be with Jesus and then they turn that into a list of stuff to do. Like even go to church, pray, or read the Bible. No, I’m talking even more simple than that. I’m talking simple enough for a child.
What do you do when you want to spend time with someone? You just meet them and usually talk with them. That simple.
You don’t even have to believe. Trinity will gladly take even your unbelief. Very welcome as more honest than most, I would bet. Don’t we want long for those we feel safe enough to be our real full selves with? God is that big. Even bigger. You were already fully known and loved before you even could disappoint youself. God does not change. We are the ones constantly invited to return Home.
I think this is about healing. I think this is about love. I think we’ve got a lot to learn. But never any condemnation.
Ask and you shall receive. And then hold on for the ride. 😁 The adventure of really living out loud and in color. New and fresh every morning. I haven’t experienced any other option that remotely comes close to satisfying. By design.
And yet there is a lot of hope. Not willing that any perish. Not content to leave even one little stinky smelly sheep behind. Preparing a table for us. Finishing what He starts! That, my friend, will give you wings to soar, to risk taking flight.
How little do we think of God? Where did we fall down along the way? What is He doing even now?
God, thank You! I want us to see as You see, hear as You hear, know Your love for us, experience it so personally that the intellectual is unnecessary, and then be able to share that hope starting with those we love. Healing this amazing gift You have given us. One beautiful person at a time. A real rEVOLution.