Already Included #44 – Disappointed?

By: Sarah Nyhan

I heard someone say that He absolutely adores me. And you. Everyone.

So I asked Him. Because frankly, there is no shortage of criticism and I am often disappointed with myself.

The picture I believe He gave me was of this day back on August 12, 2014 when I took Mickey to the clinic so Naminé could get her first shots. I took this picture as we sat in the waiting room for a long time. Look at that beautiful smile!

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Only a few minutes later we were called back to the room for Naminé to get her first shots. The medical professionals laid her on the table. Me on one side, Momma Mickey on the other. And then despite all of us doing our best, Naminé started crying so much when she was given the shot. I remember the look in her eyes like – “What?! What is happening?! Ouch!!!”

It felt like her eyes were telling us that we betrayed her trust. She was so hurt and mad.

But were we disappointed in her for her reaction?! ABSOLUTELY NOT!!! In fact, I was crying so much! Oh my gosh, my heart was breaking! The tears would not stop from MY eyes. I ABSOLUTELY did NOT want her to be hurt! I would have done anything if there was another way.

Nobody in that room that day was disappointed with her! We knew she couldn’t understand what was happening. But we couldn’t wait to give her the shots until she was able to understand. She needed the shots now. It didn’t feel good but it was ultimately for her best.

She wasn’t able to understand love. Much less science and why we had to make her hurt. She was only able to understand when she felt good and when she felt bad.

Same with bringing children to the dentist. We have to do it before they understand what is happening. Some of them panic and freak out. Do we not have empathy for them? And yet it would be doing them a disservice if we allowed any infection to fester until they were able to understand. They need healing now.

I feel like that is what He told me about me. And us.

I get so mad. And frustrated. Sad. Etc. I want what hurts to go away! Now! I look Him in His eyes and feel betrayed! “How can I trust You anymore?”

I am not saying He causes bad things to happen. That is way above my pay grade. I’d be a fool to speak with certainty about much of anything. Much less that subject.

All I know is that He is love. He is good all the time. And I am His kid. And He gave me this picture today. It comforted me and I hope it will comfort you.

He isn’t disappointed in us or our feelings when we don’t understand. I don’t think He is disappointed in us as we scream and kick like a little kid who doesn’t want anymore pain.

Even though I took care of Naminé by taking care of her momma before she was even born, even though I took care of Naminé from almost the day she came home from the hospital, she didn’t know me or my love for her. I knew her, but she didn’t know me. She only knew when she felt good and when she felt bad.

So it’s ok for us also. He knows us and He knows we don’t know Him… yet. Someday we will know as we are known. In the meantime, we learn and His patience and mercy endures forever. He is loving kindness.

He is not disappointed. None of this is a surprise. He knew it all before and still said it is good. He still waits, looking on the horizon in order to celebrate us seeking shelter in His heart.

And this is not the end of the story. We are not able to see the big picture yet.

Ask Him. Whatever you need. Whatever you want. Ask Him. See what He says.