Why?

He lets us have these questions and wrestle with them. And not put them totally rest. I wonder why.

The frustration of being unable to figure things out finally has me in a place of listening and surrender. Where I approach God in my spirit, in my heart. Not just in my mind with my words.

I need to be with Him. I need to feel His Presence and then I know everything will be ok even if I can’t figure anything out today. Even if nothing goes according to plan. Even if everything gets worse.

I picture an infant when they want to be held. You don’t really do anything other than hold them, but it settles everything. They don’t have the mental capacity to understand anything other than they feel bad and they want the feeling to stop. Spiritually maybe we are not so different. And maybe that is a good place to be. Heart open as children, like Jesus said.

We seem so desperately to want to grasp onto some purpose in the sufferings of this world. Like if we can figure out the purpose then somehow that will bring the settling we seek. Maybe I am being encouraged to go beyond that and find true satisfaction and foundation only in my place in God and who He is.

Not that physical comfort and enjoyment are bad. He created us with the capacity for those things. His Creation is designed with us and those things in mind. But we need more that can only be found in God alone.

Intellectually I like the concept when Paul Young talks about living in the grace of each moment. But when it comes down to day to day life, I absolutely hate not knowing.

God never did tell us the point of all that happened with Job. I think that’s difficult for a lot of people to accept. But maybe He doesn’t answer the questions so quickly because He knows the questions lead us to conversation and real relationship with Him – true healing. The answers, without relationship with Him, are a fleeting sense of salve.

As much as I hate the struggles, I am so thankful for what has been healed in me.

As we are able to trust, the less we demand to know what God is doing or how. We can just let go and move forward. Releasing a little bit at a time.

If you had explained to me as an infant everything that would happen to me in my life, I never could have understood. God is our Counselor. He knows we don’t even know what we don’t know. He keeps loving the hell out of us. Bit by bit. Whatever we give Him and even what we fight to carry ourselves. To the very last sinew of our broken hearts and minds.

He is for the full restoration and redemption of every last broken piece in us. As long and as far as that takes. Jesus proved that by taking all our rage that we threw at Him.

This Father does not do abandonment. His passionate wrath is for our complete healing. He is not satisfied with leaving some out.

We are His kids and He loves us. Ask Him how He sees you. Bring Him every angry frustrated tear.

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