Running Scared

First a photo from yesterday’s sunset.

Again I ran into another brick wall today. I fought and kicked and did my best to break free. Nothing. Just exhaustion. And then tons of encouragement followed just when I was starting to feel abandoned. What gives?

The thought came to me: I feel like God is “breaking” me. That sounds like a bad thing. But hear me out. The picture that came to mind was of a mistreated horse. Overwhelmed by fear. Jumping, kicking, running. How do they train such horses? They put pressure on them in order to help them conquer their fears. They don’t let them run away. They force them to face the situation calmly. And then when they settle down, they are rewarded with a release of pressure.

Here I am, facing many fears. Over and over. Feeling mad at God because I feel like He is being mean to me and punishing me. I bet that’s what the horse that is being broken also thinks. But I picture God gently pressuring me. More pressure the more I fight. Less pressure and even comfort when I relax and rest in Him. When I see Him for who He is.

Quite a beautiful analogy. He’s so patient. He lets me fight as long as I want. He knows eventually I’ll tire out and see He can be trusted. He does not hurt me. He keeps me safe. Knowing eventually I will trust Him more and more. Eventually I will calm down. Eventually I will face Him.

And I have. From where I was in the beginning. But these are deeper and deeper levels of healing. So encouraged.

I see how the horse trainers take the horses that have learned to trust them and use those horses to teach others to trust the trainers. And in that spirit, I post and share. Such a beautiful Genius, our Creator. My God and my Father.

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