The sun was fading. I saw it bright and beautiful. I chased after it. I went to where I have always known it to be. But as I stood there, just the darkening of clouds. The slow fade away.
I thought for sure it was over. I stood around for a bit but walked away as all I could see were clouds. Distanced myself.
Then a few minutes later, turned back around and the sky was a brilliant pink. Purples. What I had been waiting for all along. It was too late to catch it. I was already too far away.
A reminder that Christ does not snuff out the smoldering wick or break the bruised reed. We are so quick to give up. Especially in this culture of now now now. Everything we want within a seconds reach.
But if I’ve been given a promise, if I’ve seen the hand of God undeniably, should I not hold on until He tells me no? Silence is not the same as a no. Silence could just be a not now.
I feel for my namesake, Sarah. All those years. God, did You really mean what I thought You said? Was it just me, Lord? Did I make it all up?
I think of the Israelites as Moses went up on the mountain. They grew impatient and gave up. Made their own way. My namesake grew impatient and gave up. Made her own way. Always with catostrophic results.
I don’t blame them. But I want to hold on. I keep praying: God, make me like Joshua and Caleb. I don’t want to live my life based on how the situation appears. I want to live my life on Your promises.
Only the strength of the Lord. Mine gave out long ago. And so I pray. And He gives me manna for another day. Keeps me close.
I pray we won’t make decisions based on our fears. I’d rather risk and be wrong than fall back and regret. Nothing is too hard for the Lord. If it’s not over then it’s not over. Even if things look impossible. My God is so big and so mighty. There’s nothing my God cannot do. Never give up.