Gratitude

I’m generally a bit of a Grinch in terms of apathy toward the holiday season, but now that all of my biological family officially resides outside of Texas and my marital status is single, there was temptation to throw a pity party during Christmas. In addition, the timing of the loss of my full-time job and the loss of a new part-time job was a significant blow. And there are other disappointments.

BUT: God! My prayer on Christmas was for Him to help me see all the good in my life, not just the difficult things. And He truly filled my heart with gratitude and joy. Only to prove a point, not to gloat: one big blessing was being invited to multiple Christmas celebrations. And so many other tangible expressions of love and generosity from others during this time and in my life as a whole.

Learning to let go of my agenda and be open to embracing uncertainty. Doesn’t mean the hurts don’t hurt. But I don’t want to live camped out with my feet planted immovable in the mud of my unmet expectations. Praying for God’s perspective on each moment. For I now truly believe He loves us more than we feel and continues to work with whatever we give Him for our good.

Thanks to some fabulous freedom found this year through new insight into Him, I’m learning not to deep dive when depressing emotional funks threaten to drown my determination.

Learning instead to stop, stay silent, sit still, and seek out where my thinking went off the rails. Specifically, where did I lose sight of God’s goodness? Where did I start to doubt Him? And then ask for help getting back on track. Not on the performance track. But back to seeing how He sees and being in His love.

Am I some ethereal saint always living high on happy thoughts? Hardly. Enough unspoken challenges to keep me on my toes and sufficiently humble me. Just sharing to encourage anyone else who can relate.

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