In the past few months it was like a door opened and a flood of new information swept me along a wonderful path. And then almost as suddenly, the flood of information was reduced to a steady few choice morsels here and there.
I was a bit spoiled. I wanted to stay in that place of being so consumed.
Was I doing something wrong? Or worse, was the good news wrong?
The answer I think I keep getting is: LIVE!
There is a safety of sorts in staying in that space of constant pursuit of answers. I’m not saying it’s wrong. I love that space. Just that maybe the times for digging are ultimately for increased being.
For total consumption today with complete assurance of a whole new fresh banquet tomorrow. We are beloved children of a very rich King. Not orphans of heart resigned to hoarding unpredictable handouts.
I find myself unintentionally bringing my old thinking to this new way by assuming it’s up to me to keep the gig going. For me and for others. We had to coerce people in the old way because, was that news really good? I mean, really?
I keep getting: LIVE! That He has everybody else. That it’s not up to me. That the point is for everyone to encounter and experience for themselves. Versus a heavier emphasis on knowing and/or doing.
Something I cannot force on others. Something I can maybe best communicate by example. By simply living loved.
I feel for the first time ever content to take what I know and just LIVE! To enjoy the anticipation of new encounters; not just new knowledge. For answers that can only come from experience.
A whole new way for this person who has lived in her head her whole life. Freedom.
But also some anxiety. So, I just put myself out there without my security blanket of the illusion of control gained from attempting to accurately predict how all this will play out?
Again, back to The Garden. Back to relationship. Back to the key questions. Is He good? Can I trust Him? Does it all depend on me?
I never had any part in being born into this beautiful mystery. How could I think it’s up to me to keep it all going and together?