Panic

I panic. And my panic turns to anger. Because every time I feel like I have an important part of the future figured out, sure enough things get stirred up.

I mean that’s what we’re supposed to do, right? They say if we don’t plan, then we plan to fail? But what if every single last one of our plans blow up?

Is my security based on what I do and who/where I am? Or is my security in Who loves me?

Because if the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior, and it all depends on me, then… There are times in life where it can’t just be intellectual or theoretical anymore.

Coming to the realization of how little I know and how little I control. And yet I am still responsible for my choices.

But I can give myself more grace. I can quit freaking out about the future. All I can do is my best in this present moment. Leaving Him the rest. Embracing my belief that this life is a beginning; not the end.

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