In some ways, thinking that I chose him by mistake is the simple way to deal with my confusion about him right now.

But these past two years. God spoiled me so much. So many answers to prayers and desires. So many times God showed off with me with him. Not the least of which was the Formula One tickets.

And one of the biggest being how God spoke to my heart for years about how my future husband was going to be the one to help me through the sexual abuse questions. Not a psychologist. And he even initiated that subject with me and wasn’t scared off. And although he hated what I went through, it wasn’t a deal breaker for him.

But that is just one example of so many more where this man was so specifically checking off so many things.

That he has issues, certainly. But I do too. We all do.

Even with the deal about paying fees, I tried to tell him he could do whatever he wanted and we could still be friends. But I couldn’t do business with him.

But I think God is doing something by what happened these past few weeks. I’m convinced again that He has us separated for a time not as punishment, but to grow us separately and bring us back together better and stronger.

I feel like God is asking me to believe. Not in what I can do. But in what He can do. Letting him go and giving him to God and still believing the promises I think God has spoken to my heart. Versus saying, “Oh well, I guess I was wrong about everything. No more.”

God says fast and pray. I’m thinking more like a Daniel fast than just drinking water.

Father, thank You so much. I love you! I pray for him.